"Earth as a Simulation Series 4: This Series offers MANY pages of Evidence that many Anomalous Experiences, Plus 'Exceptional' Abilities & Skills can be explained 'IF' we are Simulated copied people being Simulated with Less Advanced Technologies resulting in ourselves having Anomalous Experiences that relate to Hi-Tech Neural Implants & CNS Enhancements that the person we are simulating HAD, but which we are a long way from developing here!!!"
Main Page Headings List
- The Human Implants Exercises Introduction Common to ALL Simulation 'Exercise' Pages . . .
- Accessing VR Networks & High Technology Originated & Facilitated Experiences Directly
- The Simulation 'Obviously' Software DOESN'T LIKE People Accessing these Experiences
- Exercise to Engage with Human Implant Installation & Removal Events & CNS, Neural Map Alterations, Rewiring or Damage
- Focus '4' to Engage with Human Implant Installation & Removal Events & CNS Alterations, Rewiring or Damage
The Human Implants Exercises Introduction Common to ALL Simulation ‘Exercise’ Pages . . .
“‘IF’ we are being simulated then is it possible to get direct access to the original experiences of specific enhancements that are encoded in your script?”
Well, as I’ve already done this and have then defined and refined means to do this and the answer to the above is a resounding ‘YES’.
I’ve also had specific people work with these exercises / perceptual, experience ‘focusing’ protocols that have got access to entire (and I do mean ENTIRE) scripted internal VR environments as well as very coherent access to scripted ‘functional’ experiences of various scripted enhancements and implants too.
Accessing VR Networks & High Technology Originated & Facilitated Experiences Directly
Being able to gain access to very coherent scripted experiences is particularly the case when you are simulating someone that as part of either their job or their personal interests (eg VR games playing) had them engaging with a virtual reality network and or making use of various technological enhancements or implants pretty much ALL THE TIME.
In other words specific people here will be simulating someone that spends a substantial chunk of their REGULAR time immersed in high technology originated experiences. In some cases this is in enough detail that they can even recall their passwords enabling them to then access extremely interesting (scripted in great detail) administration VR areas including access to whatever specific VR project the person they are simulating worked on. This has allowed ourselves to directly access scripted VR experiences of specific earth simulation project software departments in fine detail.
The Simulation ‘Obviously’ Software DOESN’T LIKE People Accessing these Experiences
In efforts to avoid having people access these anomalous scripted experiences DIRECTLY, the simulation software relies on keeping people disengaged from everything of themselves that is ‘worrying’ from the simulation projects: objectives, ‘consensus’ reality and the ‘generic humans’ range of experiences point of view. The software basically keeps you locked into a bubble of ‘normal’ human functioning and a managed ‘consensus’ reality view point AND more importantly it relies on stopping you from even become aware of any ‘out of bounds’ possibilities as in ‘extra’ enhancements and or abilities or what these mean. It relies on this ‘awareness and investigation’ disengagement tactic to severely suppresses you from even becoming aware of never mind of THINKING about trying to access never mind of allowing you to actually gain use of any scripted ‘extras’. The more any scripted experiences are anomalous compared to what is considered ‘conceptually’ and in ‘consensus reality’ terms’ ‘normal’ for an ‘alleged’ real human the more effort the simulation will make to keep you disengaged from them.
Unfortunately for the simulation software, if you give this tactic ‘THE BIG FINGER’ and ‘go for it’ then at least for some people they can find themselves gaining access to all sorts of things that were being kept beyond their awareness or of what they considered possible . . . I should point out that in ‘playing’ with these exercises then the software will likely tag you as ‘dangerous’ and you can expect it’ll try and find ways to distract you, make this web site and your experiences gained here fade from your memory while keeping you busy and occupied elsewhere . . . and so on . . . this is just it’s standard operating protocol (SOP) for worrying people. I’m personally still giving it ‘THE BIG FINGER’!!!
To make it very clear . . . despite that the worst anyone has experienced pushing against the simulation in these ways is some temporary ‘weird’ experiences that have faded out after a few minutes or hours . . .
You use/work with the below . .
Entirely at your own risk
‘IF’ you do decide to ‘go for it’ then work with the below when you have some hours to spare, so if anything ‘extra’ weird and or disturbing happens you have some time to recover / wait for it to fade out (before you have to do things like ‘drive’).
The ‘FIRST’ comment below is a REAL example of the feedback I have already had from ‘Matt’ who has already worked with the ‘focus exercise’ below. I mentioned on a previous exercise page that Kay is simulating someone that was / is a VR and ‘implant’ designer AND it’s interesting that while doing this focus Matt feels that a ‘version’ of ‘Kay’s’ is helping him during the focus. It is even possible that Kay is simulating someone that designed and helped test and explain the functioning of some of Matt’s enhancements!!!
So, if you want to explore these areas then work with the ‘statement of intent’ presented below, BUT first you read the following . . . .
COPYRIGHT: The below is all Copyright, all rights reserved Clive S Hetherington 2015 and on. The statements of intent (SOI) STAY on this site and you don’t copy what is below to present on another site, I have made my copyright very clear and I don’t want ENTIRE sections taken from this site and presented somewhere else. I don’t mind a paragraph or two as an ‘opener’ BUT no more than 20% (this is stated and has been stated for years in my Legal page (the link is in the very top menu way above)). This is specifically the case for this page BECAUSE I’m wanting COMMENTS of feedback from people working with this page to help myself and in fact everyone interested in what I’m presenting here to IMPROVE our understandings of WTF is going on!!!!
INSTRUCTIONS: You have ‘statement of intent / focus’ below. As you read the ‘statement of intent’ then you state ‘with intention’ what you read internally with a directed will of ‘I WANT THIS’ while simultaneously keeping your awareness alert and ‘still’ to give yourself the best chance of becoming aware of anything that the focus reveals / gives you direct access too. This does take practice as you are in some ways attempting to do two opposing ‘things’ at once AND of things that we have been kept away from exploring for a very long time.
This ‘does’ take practice, I ‘started’ to spend time trying to become aware of my internal states and inner perceptions three and a half decades ago.
The above ‘essentially’ has you directing your intention to access implants and enhancements that you are already simulated as having, in this respect having a confident and or even ‘better’ having an automatic EXPECTATION of being able to do this AND gaining access to these will automatic and ‘natural’ offer the best chance of this happening.
Exercise to Engage with Human Implant Installation & Removal Events & CNS, Neural Map Alterations, Rewiring or Damage
This entire series is about investigating the possibility that we are simulating people with advanced technology implants wired into their head. No matter what implants anyone has they ALL need to be interfaced and wired into the central nervous system. This will involve ‘invasive’ practices of one sort or another AND as part of what I’m presenting in terms of understanding enough to make changes such that what are scripted as debilitating experiences can be ‘adjusted’ to make them less debilitating then this ‘exercise’ targets CNS surgery and alterations directly.
This focus attempts to target any scripted CNS surgery, enhancement interfacing, CNS damage and or substitute or artificial CNS systems and or CNS or neural alternations / changes / and or imprinting or re-mapping of the CNS or neural network. For the latter, think of the imprinting / uploading of others experiences in the series ‘Dollhouse’ also the ‘Matrix’ film where they can be uploaded with specific abilities (I need to fly this helicopter’, I can do Kung Fu!!!) and also the series ‘My Own Worst Enemy’ where one person is regularly switched between two entire alternate personality and experience sets. These are all ‘real / operational’ in the population we are simulating, they are only ‘science fiction’ here, within the original population they are real, these things are happening.
PLEASE NOTE: This exercise/focus is more ‘DETAILED / LONGER’ than the previous ones as we are trying to become aware of very fine detail within these areas . . .
Click on the ‘purple’ 4. ‘CNS, Neural Map Alterations, Rewiring or Damage’ accordion block below to open, read and work with this focus / exercise . . .
AND . . . of course if you DO experience ANYTHING while using the above then you give us a comprehensive description as a comment below . . .
Click the right >> link below for the next page in this series . .
November 27, 2015 @ 3:09 pm
Second time through I got connections to a ‘ghola’ form (an entirely artificial physical vehicle form) …
Also, at the same time I had pain in fingers/ hands especially right hand…
– – – – – / – – – – –
I was also able to make more connections specifically to the simulation than I had during the previous focus:
“I fully and absolutely connect now to absolutely every single simulated person IN THE SIMULATION NOW that was directly or indirectly involved in absolutely ANY operations or procedures that involved, installing, wiring in, interfacing and or REMOVING, EXTRACTING and or ALTERING absolutely ANY of the interfacing and or my central nervous system . . .”
However, I had had some / gotten a certain way but then felt blocked, then more pain in hands/fingers, kind of like burning & numbness…
– – – – – / – – – – –
“I fully and absolutely connect NOW to all of the scripted data that defines myself as I am here and now . . .”
For the above, I get visuals of data flooding in, raw data code ‘bits’ & parts (possibly from some ‘invisible’ helpers. Hehe) it feels like ‘Kay’ some form of Kay *who leaves comments here) was helping me during this focus AND also in writing it up!!).
So, I let this ‘flow’ for a while…
I begin rapidly blinking and feel something like ‘flitting’ in my head, like rapidly moving ‘slotted’ mechanisms, also some head pressure.
I also feel like my vision ‘should’ have color distortion and some kind of other ‘effects’ that are due to either malfunctioning and/ OR installation and/ OR removal of this CNS enhancement that is from the Ghola form.
BUT instead it feels like it’s being rendered obscurely and so all I see are some vague ‘swishy’ movements and ‘distortions’ as patterns in the air.
So this would seem to be another example of the sim rendering out anomalous things because they’d be too noticeable, especially to someone like me that had so much experience and so it could possibly ‘tag’ me (at least I would think?) for extra management.
– – – – – / – – – – –
I also get some ‘brightness’ distortion effects like I have had in pre-migraine or migraine symptoms. It is somehow as if ‘brightness’ and ‘vision’ and ‘pressure’ are internal AND external ‘systems’, not just ‘vision’.
– – – – – / – – – – –
Now as I continue the focus I ‘feel’ energy spreading out around my neck and shoulders, like a flow of energy outwards and also a movement down my spine. I see a diagram now of my physical body and where the ‘CNS’ *should* be and how it should interface with the brain.
(I would think this is likely a sim rendered ‘translation’ of the original Ghola ‘avatar’ physical body form).
– – – – – / – – – – –
I can now see a diagram of electrical impulses moving all throughout my central nervous system (CNS).
I can see it begin from my brainstem and head down through my neck and spine and into my extremities — my arms/hands and legs.
Now also, I get more connections in my head. This seems especially prominent for connections going from the brain/visual cortex to the eyes, as well as from the ‘auditory’ perception (etc) parts to the ears/ inner ear areas.
For this part:
“or of having absolutely any implant or enhancement extracted, removed or disconnected from my central nervous system . . . AND I connect to absolutely all scripted central nervous system changes, adjustments, enhancements, alterations and or damage and or absolutely ANY artificial nervous system replacements, upgrades and or substitutions that I/the person I am simulating ever experienced . . .”
I now get a list/ visuals of ‘technical’ specifications of these implants and enhancements. They look very much like nanotech surgery or extremely fine/delicate and intricate design and engineering.
I also feel a specific cloud or ‘blob’ around my upper torso and head area, I’m not sure if this is the way the interfaced subtle form is being rendered as it too would be ‘affected’ by any CNS type surgery, and perhaps this is also going on in the subtle too (??).
Overall, I’m not sure but I assume since it’s an area ‘larger’ than and outside my body that it represents the interfacing to and impacts on the subtle body. (This is how it feels to me, that it’s representing connections to or impacts on parts of my subtle energy body).
November 28, 2015 @ 8:02 pm
Matt, I wonder if the late twenties man I saw was like your ghoula. Also, you speak of ‘slots’ and that is a much more accurate description of what I saw. Really endless slots totally overwhelming to me.
November 27, 2015 @ 4:27 pm
I have in-built expectations of being able to ‘magically’ gain complex skills and abilities with very little/no effort on my part. For example being able to play Chess at the level of a World Champion/Computer. I expect to be able to gain this by ‘asking for it’ but I obviously haven’t managed to ‘manifest’ that one yet…
It’s also worth mentioning that there are very few ‘sim sabotages’ kicking in for me today, and what HAS ‘activated’ is incredibly tame and weak..
November 28, 2015 @ 7:44 pm
I deliberately have not read others comments but will after this report. My will to continue faded so I got less detail in the latter steps.
When I first tried to access I was blocked by being shown an old library with an old librarian in a smoking jacket hanging off a shelf ladder and dropping all the scripts – he acted like he was going to help but he was frustratingly slow. I heard ‘back door’ and so decided to try from another angle.
I became dizzy and my ears ringing and slightly painful hands.
Then pop I am not me, I am a late twenties man suspended I think in liquid but maybe air. I have hoses or wires connected to my brain. This confuses me because I have asked for my personal real experiences. Next I see I have a visual implant with what must be an infinite test grid. It is too much data and I experience overwhelm. Then I am me again and I am inspecting a surgical scar in a mirror. The scar is at the base of my hairline toward the back of my head.
I am nauseous suddenly and my iPad shuts down for no reason whatsoever! I am creeped out but persevere to third step. I see myself using an implant to connect virtually with team members for work. They also have them and we are networked to each other. I can check their work using the implant. The sim me here is so unhappy with this invasion of privacy, but I try to stick with it and ask if my bosses can view me – yes, of course they can. It felt normal and expected. No one had issues.
For the fourth step I ended up scanning my original body for implants and got that I had a more organic type to do with adrenals or kidneys.
Then I started to get blocked again and ear ringing driving me a little mad so I quit. Ears still ringing as I finish typing.
November 28, 2015 @ 9:16 pm
Haha, a good effort Mary . . .
As every 10th life here (on average) we are switched into the opposite of our preferred animal gender form by the sim then it is possible that you are simulating someone in a male meat suit / physical animal form.
I’ll have to think about the ‘everybody able to check up on everyone else in work – I’d not be surprised if this was happening in ‘western society’ in the original population.
Organic implants tend to be difficult to find / reveal / identify as they are well blended in with the body form.
All very interesting . . .
November 29, 2015 @ 12:32 am
Strong resistance. CNS (central nervous system) surgery was done to my original form to remove database of contacts so I don’t have their details or worse, I lose my memory of them. This probably explained why, after deleting my Facebook last March and after destroying my Blackberry “dumb phone” last May out of rage, I lost all of my contacts. In this sim life, I still remember some of them (especially the ones I still meet or interact with), but I am starting to lose some of my memories with people I’ve lost touch with or drifted away from despite not having Alzhiemer’s.
I had a feeling that every time my original form (the person I am simulating) left a particular group, CNS surgery would be performed on its animal avatar.
1. I imagined nanobots automatically performing surgery on my animal avatar’s CN.
2. I saw a group of subtle beings in a laboratory and hospital room setting. I can only assume that these are test subjects whose CNS are about to be surgically altered.
I am not sure if having mild ADHD (or being diagnosed with it as an infant) represented being incarnated with a “damaged” CNS in this life.
Thoughts of reprogramming and aversion therapy came to mind. I felt that some other beings with malicious agendas added other personas or implants into my CNS.
I began to receive an image of pills containing nanobots that can add implants into my CNS or alter my mind through surgery.
November 29, 2015 @ 10:48 am
Hi Nina, yea it should be obvious that very delicate individual neuron level ‘surgery’ wouldn’t be done by anyone holding a scalpel (even a laser scalpel) it would be done by programmed nano scale bots (we’ve come across pico bots and even smaller ones too).
November 30, 2015 @ 1:59 pm
2nd paragraph of the focus — I began to hear explanations related to the script choreography software and wondered if an AI or alternate persona had fed them to me in my last bad comment. I recalled past feelings of an “entity” (maybe an “AI”) hijacking my mind and making me do things I would not have done in my right mind.
3rd paragraph — I connected to lots of uploaded AIs and personalities stored into my CNS, but I was not sure where they came from. I felt some chest tension, plus a feeling that others’ abilities had been mapped into me. I wondered whether the adjustment of the neural pathways can negatively impact my original personality.
4th paragraph — I connected to what felt like a Christian implant making me feel that I am always sinful and undeserving of the good things in life unless God blesses me. I have left Christianity six years ago, yet I continue to receive advice from different people telling me to believe in God.
I connected to various mind control, CNS-related technologies, and memory alteration technologies. These made me think of:
Summoning Engine (http://girlgenius.wikia.com/wiki/Summoning_Engine), It’s a machine used to imprint or download a copy of the villain’s consciousness and personality onto the female host. The host can access the villain’s personality; however, the personality can influence the host if she retains control over herself. Tracker jacker — These are genetically engineered wasps whose venom are used for creating fearful hallucinations and generates realistic physical pain (ex. If you “saw” ants biting you, you’d feel the sting associated with the ant bite). The venom can also be used as part of “hijacking,” a torture method used to alter your memories with fear. The method for hijacking can be read here: http://thehungergames.wikia.com/wiki/Hijacking
The Maze Runner series by James Dashner: The teenage protagonists in the Maze had a chip inserted into their brains, which wiped out the teenagers’ memories and allowed the scientists control over their bodies and actions. This also gave them access to the scientists’ telepathic network. (Reference: http://mazerunner.wikia.com/wiki/Swipe). The first book featured creatures called Grievers whose sting can cause extreme pain, seizures, and hallucination to the victims. The victims can survive and regain parts of their memories only if they take a serum to ward off the poison.
November 30, 2015 @ 9:43 pm
Been trying many times to get into something significant in this exercise, with any meaningful feedback. I do not feel any resistance, but the distractions continue – out of nowhere screaming babies, train horns, computer crashing, light bulbs exploding, dogs barking, etc. Strong messages that this exercise and the whole website is a waste of time and they don’t care about your feedback. In an effort to explain what I see, I sometimes have to search online to find some technical terms.
As a child I was very sheltered from anything remotely related to Sci-Fi, VR, aliens, space travel etc. No TV related to Star Trek, Matrix, or movies, books, Video / VR games, ever. I have not been to a movie theater in 20 years due to disturbing / sensitive sound effects and formatting and flickering. This stayed with me as an aversion and dislike for this type of entertainment (perhaps a management tool). Examples given on this site are often unknown but I do try to research them.
I go back to my previous vision / comment of people lined up in dentist chairs waiting to be operated on. While the setting is primitive, their mood is sad, scared, but compliant, they are told this is necessary and everyone gets the same treatment. There is one boss in the room who is aware I am watching and does not care. They are part of a collective that all will be modified the same way. They do not like it but know they cannot speak up, and just submit. I feel glad I don’t live there.
After reading the entire focus – Nothing happens and I close my eyes to see if I can get something. I start to see what appear to be gray bits of data scrolling from right to left on a white background. I look this up online and it is described as pits and lands with a channel bit size about T3-T5, as shown on http://www.laesieworks.com. . Thousands and thousands scroll by and I fall asleep. When I wake up 10 minutes later, my tablet has crashed.
I see a portrait of the left side of my face, head and shoulders, with a sparkling gold grid (10 inch squares) as a backdrop. This image suddenly starts to replicate itself, thousands, and extend / telescope out from me infinitely on and on, and each image gets smaller, and then I cannot see anymore. Nothing else
I am pushing hard to get in. A large black and white mouth appears in a black space, the size of a room, and it has big white teeth. It is laughing, loudly, Ha, Ha, Ha, “This does not apply to you”. “YOU do not need to go there”. (As in you are not impacted by this – you are safe). The mouth is laughing and laughing, I am upset and stop.
More to come…….
December 1, 2015 @ 11:33 am
Hi Annabelle . . . you get a lot on data, data formats and ‘detail’. So, you are likely a ‘designer’ of technologies and or how to get technologies to work in VR environments. Also, if you ‘work’ in a specific format / data / frame rate for the work of the person you are simulating you’ll find different formats disturbing. As the original environment involved people from many different cultures living on many different worlds then the data formates for ‘EVERYTHING’ will have been 100’s times more variable compared to here. Basically we’ll have had dozens of dvd, video, TV if not 100’s reduced to one format here. So, if you are simulating someone that worked day in day out for a while on ‘one TV / Screen’ visual data format AND here what we watch is radically different it’ll be disconcerting here.
The dentist people are probably interfaced to an common AI ‘work organising’ system rather than directly to each other. It is ‘possible’ that you helped design this hive mind set up – as the data / data formats for this would have to be very well defined and programmed to get this to all work properly. Actually, this collective is likely to be of uploaded virtual ‘data’ people rather than of REAL people also. The sim software actually has AI’s and hive minds built into it. These monitor and track data with respect to the worked for aims/agenda/outcome of the sim project we are in. Basically these hive minds define and tweak parameters BUT, VERY ANNOYINGLY they also RESET/RESTORE changes we attempt to make that are against the agenda / worked toward end point. There are multiple security / monitors / backup and hidden and even dormant version of these . . . they’re taking a lot of time to track down and pacify.
White teeth sharky thing is likely a system VR security AI – making sure you don’t get access beyond what the assigned system access limits were of the person you are simulating.
It is actually very possible that you worked on the software security of the simulation project software then Annabella!!! Which would also explain the degree of ‘putt off’s you are experiencing!!! Keep in mind that the entire project was SPUN as a therapy system which is what most people were working on while a small ‘Alternate’ version team worked on re-tasking / 180′ degree re-orienting all of the software to DO THE OPPOSITE. Anyone that raised suspicious as to the LATITUDE/SCOPE of play built into individual software routines tended to find themselves demoted / sacked / disappeared.
December 1, 2015 @ 1:41 pm
I did a bit more research on nanites and nanoprobes from the Star Trek website and how they can easily control an animal avatar’s mental functions and physical appearance to create Borgs. In my vision, I saw tiny black robots the size of dust specks. I felt something invasive inside my “subconscious” mind, but that “something” was blocking me from accessing “something important.”
December 3, 2015 @ 6:00 am
I did the CNS focus yesterday after suffering from caffeine overdose from a coffee brewing workshop that afternoon. I connected to coffee and tea (caffeine) as enhancements that can damage the CNS. I remembered reading about a TV show where contestants compete for who can last the longest without sleep.
The difficulty in sleeping reminded me of situations when I willed myself to stay awake when I need to finish important tasks at night way past bedtime. Automatically some “chemicals” inside my brain kicked in, giving me enough mental energy to burn the midnight oil figuratively speaking. The downside was that I sometimes had trouble sleeping after finishing the task. The anomalous part was that I didn’t drink coffee or tea in those instances (though I might have eaten a midnight snack for sugar rush). However, it’s possible that my experience could easily be explained away by very high stress levels.
I began to wonder whether it’s possible to have an implant that automatically dispenses chemicals into your CNS or bloodstream every time your CNS senses that you need to stay awake. I got the idea from the demonstration of the single-serve coffee container at the coffee workshop, where I had a chance to try out the machine and mix my own caffeinated drinks.
I vaguely connected to drugs and alcohol as enhancements or substances that alter one’s CNS. I remembered the doctor encouraging me to try out a serotonin tablet to improve my overall mood and counteract my depression so I can perhaps be motivated enough to find work or go out of my comfort zone.
As for “implant or enhancement extraction, what came to mind was flushing out the caffeine, alcohol, or drug from your bloodstream by drinking lots of water.
The sixth paragraph of the focus connected me to coffee capsule machine manufacturers, pharmaceuticals, drug lords selling drugs, and manufacturers of tea and energy drinks (like Gatorade).
December 4, 2015 @ 2:15 am
Attempt 7: Read up to third word and received urgent family phone call.
Attempt 8 next day: Read to 5th word and had a door to door salesman call – unheard of where I live
Attempt 9 next day:
Struggling to keep my eyes open after 2nd paragraph – it is torture – I push on and insist on staying awake. I finish reading and close my eyes and feel drugged. I instantly see a silhouette of myself, full body, all gray against a black empty universe. This silhouette starts to replicate itself 1000’s of time and fills the black space in all areas and dimensions. I then see data bits streaming left to right, that look like the circular tops of gray legos – 1000’s of raised circles. No image on line to compare this to. I say “I don’t know what this means, tell me what it is.” The data turns into streaming code that looks like Shutterstock image here
I then am able to open my eyes and repeat the entire focus. I stop on the word “grown” and instantly feel very happy. I see an image of a gardening greenhouse that is all white and sterile. I feel like “I can do that – I know how to grow” – even though I have never used a greenhouse – although I do garden a lot. I am drawn back to the word “grown” several times and it makes me feel happy.
Then I see what looks like a silver sparkling bicycle wheel , all silver, that is turning counter-clockwise against a black empty background. The wheel is about 1 ft in diameter. I ask what this means. Instantly a person in a white sterile clean room suit appears behind the bicycle wheel. He / she is holding a 2nd wheel and appears to be ready to install it when the 1st one is done spinning??
I am getting a run down and stop for now.
December 4, 2015 @ 3:27 pm
You couldn’t have as much fun as this anywhere else Annabelle could you!!! . . . haha . . . EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS!!!!
The last attempt feels like you got access to an EAAS VR experience / and specifically an experience of examining the ‘coding’ that is contributing to what you are experiencing / are being impacted by. The bicycle wheel ‘things’ we’ve come across before/often they usually ‘symbolically’ represent a rotating / related set of very specific managing ‘shit’ sabotage ‘strategies’. Basically, each spoke represents a data file, holding the parameters of some pre-defined personal ‘sabotage’, so depending on the monitored conditions this wheel is rotated around to another ‘sabotaging spoke’ which initiates the activation of another sabotage / distraction attempt that is then initiated / plausibly faded in.
For example, I pulled my left Achilles tendon probably about 3 months ago (walking normally on flat ground) WTF!!! In the past my body has healed pretty fast AND I’ll make sure that I’m careful to not overly stress a damaged part. I’ve still got an injury, except IT MOVES AROUND!!! . . . to the rear of the ‘RIGHT’ foot, then the base / arch of the left, then the left knee, then the right thigh, then the ball of the right foot . . . you name it I’ve had it / every bizarre F***ing variation under the sun in the last 3 months – however, this is my team ‘tracking’ how the sim uses an injury AS AN EXCUSE TO GENERATE OTHER PHYSICAL PROBLEMS.
So, there is a wheel for ankle / foot / leg injuries and so far I’ve gone through I’d guess about 30+ variations. Basically when you walk with ‘some’ injury you don’t walk ‘normally’ and the change in walking style automatically stresses (or can be construed as OVER stressing) other parts of either leg, knee, foot, heel, ankle . . . etc . . . In my home the foot leg / left right combo / current ‘pretend’ injury manifestation is normally fine / barely noticeable UNTIL I go out and walk somewhere (I walk everywhere) then the next bizarre spoke wheel variation is activated . . . basically I’m being used as a guinea pig to explore how the sim uses one ‘not really that bad’ injury in attempts to initiate a cascade of injuries elsewhere. Fortunately, we’ve enough handle on the software to be able to do this in a very controlled fashion without winding me up too much. So, while I’m walking another ‘spoke wheel’ variation is switched in and I have to adapt my walking style (slow down, maybe walk stiffly or limp slightly in a particular way). However, quite often as I’m approaching returning to my place (within 50 meters) it starts to fade out and is often barely noticeable 10 minutes later.
So, every single facet of every aspect of ourselves is software defined AND some small insignificant thing can be used as an ‘plausible’ excuse / entry point / stress point to make things worse and worse. There are these pre-defined ‘shit’ cascade wheels for pretty much ‘everything’ of ourselves . . . they’ll be 1000’s of them.
OH, and the above ankle thing likely only happened because I’d had my total ‘shit’ level ‘X’ adjusted down by my teams. Unfortunately, the software shit MAINTENANCE defences (which are highly distributed ‘everywhere’ even hidden in peoples scripts from where it can re-generate)) then slot in something else (in my case the ankle injury) to bring it all back up to a PRE-DEFINED PERSONAL SHIT LEVEL!!!
This is what we are up against here and this is why doing the exercises helps to ‘POKE’ it all and particularly because everyone is different and different people will poke it all in different ways. Become part of the simulation software ‘POKING TEAM’ TODAY – haha
December 6, 2015 @ 6:55 am
So, there is a wheel for ankle / foot / leg injuries and so far I’ve gone through I’d guess about 30+ variations. Basically when you walk with ‘some’ injury you don’t walk ‘normally’ and the change in walking style automatically stresses (or can be construed as OVER stressing) other parts of either leg, knee, foot, heel, ankle . . . etc . . . In my home the foot leg / left right combo / current ‘pretend’ injury manifestation is normally fine / barely noticeable UNTIL I go out and walk somewhere (I walk everywhere) then the next bizarre spoke wheel variation is activated . . .
Ah, I’m pretty sure they’ve been watching this and checking this with me too.
It’s very obvious that the sim has been using a scripted body weak point (or two or three) as a starting point — for me it was knees and also ‘ligaments’ under knees.
So it was using this as a ‘starting’ point or basis, and then ‘rotating’ the injuries — first it went to my right hip to compensate for my left knee then I had some foot pain and then ‘all around’ weird pains.
So it seems that the teams investigating this have been ‘poking’ (aha) these with me as well — it began with ‘believable’ / old previous sorenesses in specific areas which had me ‘favoring’ or changing the way I walked or ran.
In fact this was so extreme/ severe that I have basically had to run in the exact same ‘format’ on the treadmill and keep ‘increasing’ the speed so that the ‘shit’/ software would not use this as an excuse to ‘keep’ me in stasis.
So basically I just ‘ignored’ the entire ‘set’ of pains as I knew they’d just get shuffled/ shifted around anyway. In my original ‘real’ life that the simulated version of me is based on, I often used a designed physical body as an avatar into the physical. This combined with my VR testing experience basically makes me say (at times) ‘eh, who cares about this sack of meat!! >> body schmoddy!!’
So as it’s all on a ‘cycled’ timer it’s almost like a ‘sprinkler’ system and I just ignore it and get on with things.
So, yea as Clive writes:
Fortunately, we’ve enough handle on the software to be able to do this in a very controlled fashion without winding me up too much.
BUT given what we are up against you simply ‘have’ to have something like this carefully ‘staging’ presentations and then quickly checking and editing things out — otherwise you can’t do research or simply even LIVE or get on with things here.
So first we are the ‘guinea pigs’:
OH, and the above ankle thing likely only happened because I’d had my total ‘shit’ level ‘X’ adjusted down by my teams. Unfortunately, the software shit MAINTENANCE defences (which are highly distributed ‘everywhere’ even hidden in peoples scripts from where it can re-generate)) then slot in something else (in my case the ankle injury) to bring it all back up to a PRE-DEFINED PERSONAL SHIT LEVEL!!!
This is what we are up against here and this is why doing the exercises helps to ‘POKE’ it all and particularly because everyone is different and different people will poke it all in different ways.
January 3, 2016 @ 4:36 pm
This is my first time doing this exercise. Before reading I guess I was expecting to see what was going on with my multiple head injuries I’ve had in the past and also my drugged nervous system.
In the beginning I could see my brain almost as long strings/wires with bright little almost fire fly type of things re arranging them. I then started to feel how much artificial crap has been placed in my head to make me be able to function “properly” wink wink.
Later I see a point were my original brain nervous system blueprint was taking and destroyed. The same people who did this to my brain/nervous system were the people who pretending like they were helping me out it back together. It seems like their is groups that like to damage people’s cns so it can give them shitty replacements??
I then become aware of how I have brought on a lot of sticky plaster healing in my brain through my own actions of asking for help through prayer etc.. as when I get headaches sometimes I ask for them to go away. Rather recently I have been having different ideas about God realizing that maybe it is just a program in the simulation, maybe not even a productive program and I shouldn’t be asking for any more help from it as its blocking what I could get in my awareness from this site.
Specifically during 03 I thought I was connecting to an implant at the base of my head. I asked what is this implant I got like a walkie talkie. It could make communicating with people more like a phone call or conversation when we’re not physically present, but someone could easily hack the station and talk for me and the stations can be intercepted sometimes lessening its effectiveness. One function of this I think makes it easy for me know when people are trying to get ahold of me or are thinking of me.
At 04, I see myself having physical brain surgery with human surgeons etc. This is hard for my to believe so it may be a fake memory.
In 05 I feel a tracker implant behind my ear I don’t think it could be removed and connects me to human spies.
Right after I see an image of myself eating paper then it cathing on fire then my brain falling out onto a lab scientist table. The second time I read this even though it feels like crap must be clearly out as my head and body feel slightly on fire, I keep seeing an image of myself being tortured, it doesn’t go away– they always use this as a distraction for me.
Overall I think I feel the best after this exercise versus any other exercise I’ve done here so far. I still feel a lot of activity happening in my head and body almost similar to a niacin flush feeling but it feels positive and I feel better emotionally.
January 7, 2016 @ 11:53 am
Hey Mo, having listed and read through your previous comments then my feeling / what I’m getting is that you are also simulating someone that worked on the EAAS project AND that version of yourself was working on head and memory functioning problems / injuries.
In other words the person you are simulating would have uploaded itself as a data person into a VR to research head problems AND as part of this to check the accuracy of head injury experiences. In other words a VR version of yourself would have been subjected to different head injuries (and physical surgery as it would be simulated here) to help them write the software that deals with people having head injuries and the surgery they’d have here when their head is injured.
It also feels like my ‘colleagues’ are tracking you as you do these exercises and what they have you engaging with so they can become aware of the original circumstances and to try and sort some of this ‘mess’ out . . .
January 10, 2016 @ 5:10 pm
Do you think some of the original population was tricked into the project, and or forced? After coming to your site it would seem off that I am simulating a person that supported the EAAS project as I feel it is way f***** up.
January 10, 2016 @ 5:51 pm
‘Mo’, you are forgetting . . . I’m mentioned OFTEN here, that the EAAS project was SPUN as a THERAPY / HELP EVERYONE PROJECT – so lots of GOOD people came to help with it!!! If it was advertised as a project to traumatise and FU everyone . . . no one would have come!!!
January 10, 2016 @ 3:20 am
10th attempt – this exercise has changed and is different from the other times I worked on it.
01 – I connect to an aquarium full of fish swimming around, and the fact that I am terrified of deep ocean water.
02 – I am laying on a table in an operating room and my abdomen has been unzipped. I am watching from 7 o’clock position. Some bots or jellybean minions with arms are frantically pulling body parts out of me and throwing them all over the room. They are also pulling out springs and garbage, strings, odds and ends. Behind them is a series of shelves full of glass jars with all kinds of body parts, circuit boards, etc. First I start to laugh and then again I am so mad, I can’t help it, and feel I am in charge if this mess. I yell out ” What the hell are you guys doing?” They freeze and just look at me. They tell me “ She has accumulated too much and has to be prepared for the next project. We just do what we are told.” I wait and am pissed off but try to determine the intent of this issue. Thru some doors to the right enters a huge, 30 ft., another marshmallow snowman type guy. He is somewhat translucent and not happy. (I see these guys a lot – there must be something to this being format) He just stands there and we are in a stare down. Then he absorbs the bots, and inside his abdomen appears a computer screen and hundreds of bots being programmed or prepared for something. I am frustrated with this guy and can’t continue.
03 – “Anything that would allow myself to be imprinted” – I am spinning in a hotel type rotating glass lobby door. I am then going thru a series of chest x-rays, and airport body scanners. I then see the top of my head and my skull / brain opens up. Spaghetti like pieces comes out and some invisible hands are knitting the brain yarn into DNA structures. The completed DNA knitted pieces float up into the air. I try to drill into where this is going and they shove a knitting needle thru my right ear and I die. (Note that I have extreme constant pain in my right ear).
On “Abilities or skills” – I connect to speed-reading, and idea mapping. I am stuck on your comment Clive about reading each series in order. I have never read anything in order in my life – not a cookbook, calculus book , magazine, or novel. And I can’t read in series – but I do speed read without any training. People ask me ” why did you start at the end of the book”. Or I read the first few pages, then the last pages and read toward the middle of the book. I go to look up speed reading images on the internet and find: www. Ideamappingsuccess.com
04 – “CNS investigations” – I am laying on a bed of nails. I am wondering why I have so much back pain. Duh. ( I don’t have pack pain in my life) I am wondering why so many people have back pain, lower pack pain. So many treatments for back pain, and back pain chiropractic treatments.
Have to stop now. While typing this I get the MAC spinning beach ball of death and have to start over. Never happened ever.
January 10, 2016 @ 12:39 pm
Actually Annabelle, Matt found that reading ‘simulation’ pages in reverse order and paragraph by paragraph from bottom to top confuses / gets around ‘extreme’ management effects somewhat BUT then you’ve got to have the right implants to re-order it all in your head. So I’ve avoided mentioning this as it would a) seem bat shit crazy (on pages that many people will already identify as bat shit crazy) and b) people trying this are likely to get frustrated / even more confused with the information . . . which will be used by the managing software to make then give up and find some other site where they can read about easier / less managed things which they’ll also be made to feel are way more ‘correct’ than what is presented here!!! Hahaha!!!
Much of the above (1 to 3) feels like things the person you are simulating was involved with as part of working on the EAAS project, ‘again’ mashed up by sim translation software / and your ‘don’t f**k with me’ attitude from yourself ‘here’ – haha.
How has the exercise ‘changed’???
January 10, 2016 @ 5:17 pm
Did this exercise again yesterday was to sleepy to post a comment but took notes that I will write here.
The main theme that I am trying to clarify in these exercises is wheter what I am experiencing is a ”put off” or actual access to real memories and or experiences or scripts etc.
What I kept coming to yesterday were scenes of myself being experiemented on and tortured in various different ways. The first was me having a computer hook up to the back of my neck, connected me to a super computer type of thing- I am wondering wtf is going on here. Then the mad scientist possible ai- saying that I wanted to do this and its for the better good. Then scenes of my head blowing off and various injections given to me. It seemed like in the beginning I fought back and tried to run away, but slowly I turned apathetic to all of this.
January 10, 2016 @ 5:54 pm
‘It’s for the better good’ is one of these ‘catch’ phrases used to persuade people to go beyond their limits – it’s to help others so you shouldn’t mind!!!
AND . . . that catch phrase is just a shade away from ‘For the highest will and good of all’ . . . isn’t it?
February 20, 2016 @ 1:22 pm
2 — I had a feeling that someone put some enhancements or AI or implants into my CNS as part of some spy mission. I think this allowed my handlers or bosses to track me regardless of where I am.
3 — “Abilities and skills” reminded me of the ability to switch personas as necessary and put on masks to avoid detection by anyone that tries to check on me.
I began to feel into a memory of me saying goodbye to the people I knew, informing them that I would soon leave their lives permanently and that I would embark on a mission I could not disclose to them. It was very hard — knowing I would soon be subjected to a memory wipe and forget everyone.
After doing this focus, I began to feel some fear and a feeling of having gone through some VR reprogramming to erase my memories of my connections and interactions with the people I had known in the past.
March 4, 2016 @ 9:09 am
Yesterday I did the eye implant focus first before this one but my findings in the first one are related to this focus.
I connected to the times I had to replace damaged or completely broken cameras in this life, as well as the anxiety involved in deciding which new camera to buy and the difficulty of imagining life without a camera.
I remembered walking along the marketplace with a feeling that I were using a video implant to record everything I was seeing. On the same day, I also pretended that my eyes had a camera implant that allowed me to take a snapshot inside a heritage museum because I had forgotten to bring my smartphone. (Actually, I had brought it all along but the phone either vanished or I wasn’t able to feel it while searching my bag at that time).
03 — I connected to the LASIK I underwent to cure my eye defect (myopia with astigmatism) in 2007, as well as all the glasses and contact lenses I had worn since ten years old. I began to feel that those experiences represented all the times my original form began having eye enhancements.
04 — Connected to a torture scene in an operating room. I didn’t see what the surgeons were doing to my eyes but I felt the scene was too painful or traumatic to watch. I have always been afraid of scenes showing the removal or piercing of eyes and rendering the characters blind. I do not know why the surgeons wanted to debilitate me.
5 — “disconnected” — I connected to a feeling that on certain worlds, I am not allowed to enter them unless my eye implants were removed or significantly altered. I felt that I did not have a choice — that my high tech eye implants were forcibly removed from me.
I remembered what Mo said about having to make do with standard low grade eye implants inside the EAAS project headquarters and that I likely was forced to go through some procedure to have the eye implants altered or removed, likely because recording without official permission was prohibited inside the premises. (Otherwise, we spies would have been able to photograph or record evidence that would expose the EAAS project’s real agenda. I think the simulation director’s official photographers and videographers were fitted with special recording implants so they could take photos and videos for the EAAS press / website).
While reading the CNS focus I observed that I tend to skip certain sentences before proceeding to the next paragraph, so I had to backtrack and re-read the skipped parts. But sometimes I think I re-read entire paragraphs because I could not completely remember whether I had finished reading them.
6 — I also felt that prior to my EAAS involvement I had been fitted with hidden / not easily detectable eye or recording implants. I remembered my fascination with spy cams — recording devices like cameras hidden in pens or under the caps (the tech that DVD pirates use to record movies inside cinemas).
I was prompted to search for “spy cams” and resonated with many of the gadgets in this link (mostly as a gadget user):
7 — I felt that the recording implants I had were meant as “back-up” in case the first (and obvious) visual implants were altered or removed. This reminded me of my tendency to carry two or three recording devices simultaneously during vacations (point-and-shoot camera, DSLR, secondhand iPhone 4)
March 6, 2016 @ 8:04 pm
“I observed that I tend to skip certain sentences”
The same happens to me, but it’s only when i’m reading ‘other’ areas of the page / site (doesn’t happen with the exercises).
Another ‘management’ effect I noticed yesterday, which is different but feels relevant to describe here: I am presented with ‘images’ that relate to specific words that i’m reading BUT those images are completely out of context.
For example when I read the word ‘trees’ I am presented with images of ‘plant’ type trees; and when I read the word ‘genius’ i’m seeing images of ‘Einstein’.
This seems to be a diversion / distraction with the aim of having my ‘focus / awareness’ oriented AWAY from what i’d ‘actually’ want to be connecting with.
Though in the case of the word ‘genius’ i’m not sure what this actually is / means which adds to the difficulty, so Clive perhaps it’d be beneficial if you could give short ‘definitions’ for some of the more ‘obscure’ terms used?
March 11, 2016 @ 3:23 pm
Hi Trent, people are ‘tracked’ as they are doing focuses AND for specific descriptions / concepts the ‘resonance / signature’ that represents these is ‘added in’ to your ‘focus’.
Just to give you some idea of how ‘technical / balmy’ some of the sophisticated MANAGING ‘shit’ actually is, here is a small paragraph from just one of the 25+ ‘advanced’ hacking focuses:
March 16, 2016 @ 2:13 am
I believe I was ‘nudged’ to work with this statement.. so I tried using it and it was VERY intense compared to the other ‘exercises’ on the site .. after around 30 minutes I see a ‘person/figure’ – I only see the back of him, and he seemed to be wearing a cape or cloak – he was trying to ‘avoid detection’ and I was getting the impression of myself trying to ‘catch him’ with a net.
I believe this was a ‘representation’ of what was actually happening and ‘he’ might actually be some kind of ‘program/software/?’. I did get the ‘name’ of this thing, but now my mind has been ‘blanked’ and my efforts to remember/reconnect to it have failed. This has felt significant / important to share, even though it’s missing such a key detail. I believe your ‘team’ became aware of this thing and will know it’s name.
March 16, 2016 @ 11:41 am
Hey Trent / EVERYONE HERE READ THIS, . . .
MMMmmmm . . . well we do seem to be circling the ‘hacking / investigation’ wagons around the core of the simulation software and all of the enormous numbers of separate components that ‘define’ ourselves. The last attempt of backup / restore / security components to restore / revert adjustments we have already made to the software was a couple of days ago. So, as we ‘appear’ to ‘now’ be dealing with a relatively consistent base of the 10,000’s of highly complex ‘nested & interconnected’ software components that define ourselves then we / those outside are building an ‘interpretation’ interface which will use ‘visual icons / symbolic representations’ as ‘best representing’ labels that will help us to ‘conceptually’ get our head around the different components that define and hence contribute to ‘originating’ different facets of ourselves. So, we’ve been getting what you could describe as ‘symbolic’ icons presented to ourselves as we do the exercises / focuses for the last two days now.
So, basically Trent, what you describe above seems to indicate that you have been linked into this ‘symbolic / identifying / representations’ interface. The ‘elusive cloaked figure’ likely represents some ‘security’ component . . .
Also, when we/I were investigating the EAAS work environment and each department starting about 2 years ago (with very specific ‘exercises’ to do this) each department had it’s own VR space and each software component being worked on was defined by a visual icon. There were 1000’s of these ‘icons’ (which again were nested in a hierarchical / ordered structure). So, if as an EAAS project worker you ‘pressed’ an icon (and had entered your password) you’d get access to the work and details and testing areas ‘associated’ with that icon. PLUS, within that test area were often many more sub icons relating to specific sub components of that specific ‘component’ area. We spent weeks / months ‘mapping’ the specific departments and EAAS software sub projects out as ‘icons’.
So, it is ‘sensible’ at this stage (in our ‘hacking of ourselves’ – haha) to represent the actual separate components of the ACTUAL REAL SOFTWARE DEFINING OURSELVES using the same ‘nomenclature / symbolic coding’ ICONS that we are already familiar with through directly investigating peoples scripts of their EAAS project department experiences.
As ‘Tom’ is simulating an EAAS project manager whom had access to many different departments then his script was a gold mine in terms of ‘icons’ helping ourselves to build an understanding of ‘everything’ contributing the entire original software design that defines ourselves and our environment.
Below is an example of some of the details Tom gave of his scripted EAAS project experiences as we investigated the EAAS project areas directly almost two years ago . . .
PLEASE NOTE: what is presented BELOW is ‘AS IT WAS/IS’, so, I am not providing explanations beyond the below (this is a few small extracts taken from 1000’s of pages of ‘notes’). So, this is to give you an idea of the icon / software details from our explorations of original scripted EAAS project experiences and the icons associated with different project departments and software routines within these that define different aspects of ourselves (from about 2 years ago) PLUS ‘some’ of the descriptions of the presentations that we have been getting in the last few days . . .
Taken from Tom’s notes almost two years ago:
As soon as I start this focus I am drowned in icons – I see a zip, a wheel, sliders, a spiderweb of connections/circuitry, a framework around me, a squeezy duck, strobe lighting, a teaspoon, a comb, a toothbrush, a knife, a shaving brush, toothpaste and a board with lights and switches. I think the board with lights and switches controls other routines or has the capacity to do this – I see it inside the black box. I am not sure how it would relate to the electronic map of icons which relate to the current, live pattern of sabotages for someone – ah I think they would be linked, so the signals from the map would connect to the board, which would activate switches and sliders based on the pattern of sabotages, and this would then transmit to the other icons/software routines and they would be activated or deactivated or turned up and down accordingly. I almost feel as if the board with lights and switches is part of the magician’s brain – but the factory represents the magic software generating the strategies – I think the board is part of the factory, because the factory creates the map of different linked software components, and the board is like the interface between the map which holds this data and the actual software components being used.
The zip seals, locks or shuts things – so it prevents access to the other icons, it’s a security routine. The wheel represents the momentum or movement of the FU script which keeps it moving forward down a path of increasing debilitation. I think it connects to the wheel-hub I found before which seems to have a role of protecting this momentum or movement and stopping it from being interfered with (so the hub doesn’t monitor movement or connect the two scripts as I thought before, that would be done by other routines). Now I see an engine and this represents the driving force behind the FU script. The sliders could relate to many things, probably increasing or decreasing the strength of routines, one possibility would be the board with lights and switches. The spiderweb of connections/circuitry I explore below in detail. The framework around me – keep me contained, limited, at a safe distance from things. The squeezy duck – it floats on the surface, it’s hollow, it’s a toy – maybe this represents keeping you doing surface things. Strobe lighting – blind you but in such a way that you don’t mind and actually find it quite beautiful and are put into a dancing, entertainment kind of mood. Teaspoon – the spoon would represent spoon-feeding someone, but the teaspoon seems to relate to everyday rituals and time spent making them satisfactory. So the comb, shaving brush, toothbrush and toothpaste – vanity, beauty (the first two), necessary upkeep or hygiene (most or all of them). The knife would represent trimming off of unnecessary things, or cutting available time up into smaller pieces, or cutting down the time available to you to think and research, which most of these other icons would do. But later on when I did this focus again it seemed to go back to these areas so I will write/think more about them then.
After finding all the above icons I felt myself in a network of interconnected circuits and moving through the circuit and mapping it as I went. I could zoom out also and see the whole picture as I was doing it, it looked like gradually drawing a spiderweb as I mapped each new circuit. The tunnels seemed to connect different things which were as if ‘plugged into’ the network so that they could use it to communicate with each other – so one junction of several tunnels for example had something ‘plugged in’ there, and then somewhere else nearby at another point there was another ‘plug-in’. After a short time I felt I could ‘map’ three or more parallel circuits simultaneously, like I could feel or sense or inhabit them at the same time to make things faster. Then I speeded up again until I was mapping it ten times faster.
Then I became aware of a new deeper level under this level of circuits and dropped down to explore that. The paths/tunnels were longer in this one and it felt as if there were less things being connected into this network than the previous. I kept going in one direction and eventually hit a ‘wall of sand’ that the circuits didn’t go through which seemed to be the edge of the circuitry, so I started tracing the edge/outline of the network – there was one point where a circuit led out through the wall of sand through a gateway. Again I could zoom out and see the circuits I was mapping in the network, it looked like someone slowly drawing a spiderweb or lots of small cracks spreading across broken glass. I could switch between the two levels of circuitry which felt as if they were doing the same thing and working in unison, but one of them seemed to control the other although I haven’t found a link between them yet. So perhaps one would have the over-routines and the other would have the routines that are being controlled by the over-routines.
And another description from Tom giving better details of an EAAS software sub-set and how it related to real life experience:
Labyrinth Icon – I saw a big dark mass coming towards me and it was like an archway or the entrance to a cave. I went through it into a labyrinth and felt and saw it change around me as I walked through it so that passages disappeared and new passages opened and I got totally lost. I saw an Escher-like staircase leading upwards that ended on the same level as it began. I have seen this labyrinth, or one like it, before when Rose and I felt we had hidden some of our abilities in one of them.
Looking back at the focus which gave rise to it, I think this Labyrinth software is involved in defining and choreographing my processes and interactions with my environment and others. Maybe it represents the fake script – shifting possibilities and options, things being blocked in – it also reminds me of the icon I found some weeks ago, the tunnel with the barriers blocking me into a dead end, which seemed like a possible ‘end goal’ of the re-scripting.
At this point I started doing focuses for strong shit/resistance and I felt like I was in a pattern and there were all these software routines acting on me from different angles. Then I did 2A focus some more and then detection avoidance and I saw myself surrounded by icons on all sides that were linked to me with strings – when I turned to go in one direction, they all changed places immediately to respond to what I did, and new icons appeared too while others disappeared. So this must be the physical implementation of the ‘map’ of icons generated by the factory. But the strings allow the icons to respond to what I do, since they can all sense what I do, but they are all linked to a controlling intelligence too – the black box.
Pins & String icon (found yesterday) – This icon/structure is like the strings I saw connecting me to the other icons in the paragraph above, and the icons would be the pins – I saw the pins changing position when I first saw the ‘pins & string’ icon, which is exactly what the icons above were doing as well. So I just experienced this ‘pins & string’ icon in practice – it’s an icon connecting me to other icons to allow them to dynamically respond to whatever I do.
The labyrinth seems like it’s to make you lost and disorientated – it’s like what I experienced on the day of my accident and several other days, including some around that time – this focus, written 12 days before my accident, sums up the effect of this labyrinth:
“I EVER felt or was disorientated, spaced out or distracted or diverted from knowing where I was or from going the right way to reach my destination OR where I EVER got lost or didn’t know where I was or got on the wrong bus or train or missed my bus, train, lift or stop OR where I EVER was or felt trapped in a maze, labyrinth or similar or took a long time to reach ANY destination”
Kay’s description (from a few days ago) of ‘some’ of the workings of the ACTUAL software that deals with ‘missing’ people:
In doing the large ‘missing people’ paragraph I become aware of a ‘stitching’ parasite/programme that floats around stitching together peoples scripts/data etc to patch up the holes left by missing people. As I go through the paragraph repeatedly I find it is not just stitching up the holes but also stitching together thoughts, ideologies etc as well. AND not just holes but and ripples, folds, contradictions etc. Forcing them ‘inwards’ so they do not present in the outside world. And THEN I notice that the internal folds appear to be taken up and translated as ‘problem’ areas by the systems responsible for presentation of issues!
Some of Matt’s list of current ‘icons / symbols’ from the last 48 hours
Rotating disk on several axes — constant reshuffling
I saw something that looked like a potter’s wheel but with a rotating disk type surface, which had rolling balls and pieces and was constantly revolving on several axes. Basically it is ‘shuffling’ and reshuffling around so you can never get your balance.
This made me think of the idea of icon’s so I began checking this out a bit more to try to ‘directly’ target things. When I did this, I saw one of those old style photography ‘flashes’ which blinds you and leaves you temporarily stunned, immobilized or startled.
Frosted glass / opaque frames
I then saw a series of thin frames which were like looking glasses and versions of me or others standing and holding them. The glass that each person in the row was holding got foggier and more opaque (like frosted glass) with each new person. So it felt like this could possibly represent the rendering of reality through time, and when used in concert with the flash bulb it feels as if the presentation of reality and my script always leaves me with a jarring or shocking feeling, like things are tweaked so that the choreographed presentation ‘appears’ this way. [It may or may not go along specifically with the function or role I was elected/ selected to play by the drones. At any rate it seems to be ‘used’ or employed by it in this fashion.]
Dry/ dull / bleary eyes
The surface or ‘first’ meaning seems to be dry eyes, representing tiredness. But the way it’s used, I feel like every day or every time I seem to be approaching coherent or ‘consistent’ engagement I get a feeling of being massively put off from ‘directly’ approach ‘being within myself’ by ‘ACTUALLY’ being within myself. It’s insane because it’s almost as if I have to approach the ‘rendering’ of my actual self and willpower completely passively, which is extremely problematic in certain ways. (This seems to go along with the below icons)
Garden pourer / Roots growing out from back
This one is weird because I see one of those classic pourers for watering plants with a sprinkler top pouring water out of my back onto the ground. This causes things to grow and the ground to constantly move and ‘shift’ around me. So it seems to represent that any willpower/ intent I use is directly going to ‘water’ the growth of external things that will make it that much harder.
These are briar bushes, brambles and tangles that grow around me and encircle me and get thicker and thicker over time. I get a sense that overall and by and large any willpower / ‘aggregate’ willpower I use goes into growing more of these. If I ‘cut down’ or burn one bramble then 5 more sprout up ‘elsewhere’ on the periphery, which seems to represent things being planned in 1 or 3 days time and more especially the long range planning to keep me totally ensconced.
Statue of a god with rotating head and bodies
This looks like a buddhist or hindu statue with multiple heads and faces. It seems to be my roles and personas but the ‘bodies’ also seem to swap. So each ‘pose’ is like an action or ‘state’ associated with the role. It feels like myself is ‘apportioned’ into parts based on ‘functions’ which is ‘selected’ rather than being self-initiated. So it would be used along with the above things to make it so that if I want ‘access’ to functions I can ‘get’ the parts of me to ‘switch’ into those for the appropriate moment but it doesn’t reach or stay in the core self–you are just not allowed access to yourself coherently even if others get access to this in terms of you ‘playing’ or representing yourself. So it is really insane because in many ways I am ultra stable or put together (almost like a ‘stone’ statue of the godhead or figurehead) because I am ‘presented’ that way to others whereas internally to myself there is an entirely different presentation.
So, we are shifting from an orientation where people doing exercises have been engaging with and becoming aware of their own issues / VR simulation translations to now becoming aware of the software components of what is defining themselves/ourselves in ways that give clues as to the functioning of these components and the impact on ourself.
March 16, 2016 @ 12:37 pm
“As soon as I start this focus I am drowned in icons – I see a zip, a wheel, sliders, a spiderweb of connections/circuitry, a framework around me, a squeezy duck, strobe lighting, a teaspoon, a comb, a toothbrush, a knife, a shaving brush, toothpaste and a board with lights and switches.”
This part immediately and strongly ‘triggers’ me. Sometimes (has been happening for YEARS though), when I close my eyes I will see these seemingly ‘random’ images. They’re usually quite small (only take up a small portion of my visual field) and now that I think about it, each image is of a roughly similar ‘size’ no what is actually being depicted. These images will then morph into / be replaced by other ‘random’ images, though they’re ‘usually’ in some way related to one another. I’d honestly never thought much of this.. thought it was mostly meaningless / irrelevant so I can’t remember any ‘real’ examples of these. A hypothetical example (to explain what I mean) could be ‘I see a dog, which then morphs into a bear, which then morphs into an elephant’. Each image would stay within my visual field for only a few seconds before ‘morphing’ (long enough to type a password?) and i’d see probably between 3-7 morphs at a time.
Also, when I used to ‘meditate’ i’d start seeing these types of ‘image morphs’ which would eventually be replaced by ‘flashes of full-blown scenes’ before those were eventually replaced by me actually ‘entering’ the scenes (these would replace my ‘normal/waking awareness’ and i’d forget I was even meditating, such was the ‘realness’).
So, i’m wondering if these different ‘morphing’ images I see could be ‘icons’ – which would also make sense with them being linked to my ‘meditations’.
I’m having a real ‘WTF!?’ reaction to this. This tiny thing that I thought was irrelevant !?
Also, regarding the last part (shifting orientation): After using the ‘above’ statement, I was encouraged (possibly by your team) to look ‘beyond myself’ in terms of my ‘focus’ – I realized that when working with exercises i’m usually ‘observing myself’ to analyze my thoughts, feelings, etc at the time – whereas the suggestion here was to ‘look/feel’ outwards instead of inwards. So this might be ‘evidence’ of this shift in effect.
March 16, 2016 @ 2:55 pm
Well, Trent you are simulating someone that worked on the EAAS project ‘security’ software, I already mentioned this in previous comments?
The ‘suggestions’ are correct, however as the amount of data that has to be handled to store, analyse, identify, label and feed into peoples perceptions what people are able to become aware of then I’m not sure how many people they will ‘enable’ with this ‘awareness’? I suspect that the entire memory capacity of all computers we have on earth would hold just a few minutes worth of just one persons defining ‘data’. So, at the moment all ‘investigation’ systems are being upgraded and this is on going with AAI’s (‘authentic’ artificial intelligence’ (as opposed to artificial ‘idiots’) systems) being built to handle different software groupings – with 80 already running and another 40 underway (specifically to track data interactions and coordination within and between groupings). Regular / experienced exercise users / commenters will have priority here I imagine (beyond Tom Kay Rose Matt and others).
March 18, 2016 @ 7:29 pm
I’m not precisely sure how you define “missing people” or the actual “action” of the Stitcher, but my impression of the results I’m getting with these exercises feels like how an author would eliminate characters to tighten up a storyline.
For example, when converting a novel to a screenplay, screenwriters often create a “composite character” by combining characters so there are fewer characters for the audience to keep track of, while increasing the number of issues or conflicts between characters. This helps increase the pace and dramatic tension of the storyline.
These exercises repeatedly are presenting me with issues that appear to involve the same ‘scripted’ people. It doesn’t seem to make “sense” that it’s always the same people. I am wondering whether other people from my script have been layered onto the small number of people being presented to me in the exercises, and also then “labeled” as the same people I know in real life. And, maybe these memories are not even about those people I know in real life at all.
These exercises sometimes feel like accessing a “told and retold” story that’s been simplified down to a few characters to tighten the dramatic tension. But at the same time, I sense this compositing is making the “undoing” or “addressing” of the scripted emotions /interactions /feelings sometimes feel ridiculously hard because it simply doesn’t “fit” (mm maybe I’m sensing the ‘presentation of issues’ being caused by the Stitcher action described above?). I’m frustrated as I try to mentally “understand” something that’s feels too messy to understand and frankly isn’t “mine” anyway – it belongs to the person I’m simulating or worse, it was “added in” to me for various reasons (hence why I wrote yesterday that I feel it’s important for me to understand my traumas in my “emotional body”. The narrative feels like just a device to move me along a process of emotional understanding.
I do sense “more” here – perhaps another layer or larger context to my own unfolding awareness and investigations? I feel fogginess or resistance around that line of thinking. Clive wrote we wouldn’t be allowed to “drill down deeper” until all investigations on this layer are exhausted, so perhaps I’m perceiving a temporary barrier.
March 24, 2016 @ 2:41 pm
Hi Nyssa, the sim uses absolutely every opportunity possible to ‘add in’ shit from as many sources including other people as possible.
April 26, 2016 @ 3:08 am
I find it interesting that you mention black hole in this focus. I had this experience a few days ago that basically felt like I was flowing through this dense energy and it was completely engulfing me and also dissolving the outside energy and sometimes inside. I was very frightened and thought it was going to dissolve all of me. I felt people that were attached to me dislodge and disconnect from me before the energy took me over. People that I haven’t talked to in ages.
Then I read this article and I realized that it may be what it feels like to go through a black hole:
May 30, 2016 @ 9:56 am
It seems these CNS surgeries are on going for myself as if Ill start to get normal pieces of my real CNS starting to integrate then Ill have another F**** up surgery, apart of making sure everyone is on same base line. If anyones CNS starts to operate in a way that is not acceptable to the sim often one of these surgeries will be performed. However sometimes when you are a good little drone and follow sim protocols, actually helping the sim aims (always unintentionally to a certain degree) you will get CNS upgrades, or in other words get rewarded… often under trickery like oh these modifications are going to great for everyone- when in reality it will do the opposite!.. everything about all of these surgeries is brutally traumatizing, as real pieces of yourself are taken out, while the worst re configuration is made. Many of the surgeries integrate a control system implant in to the CNS, that connects to remote control so that your CNS can be rewired by AI “command station”, giving constant impulse that again influence everyone in every possible way, often rewarding people for following their good little drone script and then torturing/electrocuting the others who are trying to find out WTF is going on here.
May 30, 2016 @ 12:24 pm
Hi Mo, if you are simulating someone that has been engaging with people in a VR whom were having accidents / injuries and then CNS surgery then you’ll likely have a lot of variations to explore – i.e. while these are being dealt with you’ll be engaged with one CNS surgery experience to explore / be deleted then you’ll be onto the next, AND mixed in with this will be the trauma of this ‘shit’ place having you live through ‘real’ CNS surgery and the trauma that you had AND the trauma of the people you engaged with as part of the EAAS testing shit . . . AND so, as all of this is being dealt with there is a chance it will feel pretty much the same at least for the first few. So, it might not feel as if this is the case BUT it does ‘feel’ to me that these areas are starting to be dealt with properly now!!!
Also, someone else I know has experiences of engaging with uploaded people being ‘SHOT & BLOWN UP’ as part of testing / making sure the software ‘simulated’ these experiences accurately. It’s all f***ing diabolical!!!
June 7, 2016 @ 1:22 pm
Hi, it was a long time since my last time on your site. I read some of the exercises above… Simply reading them, I had releases. How do one work with them? Do a recording and a meditation? Is it enough to read them (as I did), and the release comes naturally? Thank you in advance for you time and your job.
June 8, 2016 @ 1:05 pm
Well Simi, a)
These instructions are on that specific page (they are on most / all these exercise pages):
And b) it’s changing all the time in terms of the exercises ‘initiating’ change / becoming more effective / it’s an ongoing process as I described in this comment here.
July 31, 2016 @ 8:33 pm
Hi I see you mention the television series dollhouse on this page, I just started to watch it out of curiosity and it seems I find very much a resonance with the process the dolls there go through, especially in the first episode when Sierra initially gets wiped- as if Id gone through something like that many many times before. I still feel like my nervous system interfacing is totally off due to all of these surgeries and issues, but is making more sense– some days I will just expect to be more out of it as things will be adjusting– hopefully more and more.
Here is my experience of the focus today:
02: I start to connect to all of the AI, ‘wires’, ‘strings’ and ‘bugs’ that are overlapping a blueprint which represents my nervous system… I start to wonder what life would be like if I didn’t have any of that overlap, and if I just had my true nervous system- which really isnt even a nervous system at all, I then realize functioning in this reality at all may not be possible without some of these implants and interfacing devices, however it is still clear that I have wayyyyyy more than I need regardless.
It seems there is a main nervous system blueprint that everyone has, or has to have apart of being in human form, and it is clearly shit, and limits ones expression.
03: Others can influence neural maps fairly easily as if it is a type of low level hacking, this seemed to happen in the original very frequently, and now here it happens all the same just more generically. I connect to robots that seem to feed information data into my wires that connect to my blueprint… These robots disappear the more I focus on them, yet there is always back ups, like backups of so much other tech that is feeding my CNS, as if this is just a baseline level that one needs to function. Its clear peoples CNS are being connected to larger databases to move everyone to a group level of influence, as if to make peoples thoughts and expressions more like one another.
04: I have an implant behind my right eye that allows someone/something else to see what I see. Its hard to tell whether for productive or unproductive reasons, yet its clear this information of what they are seeing is then used to influence me, to get me on their baseline of operation, as this implant connects to my CNS as well through a feed back loop.
05: Back to baseline reality, there was a time (separate to when my whole CNS was stolen and destroyed) where my visual implants which allowed me to see tech in detail were taken and destroyed and then I was given baseline tech—– this is a reoccurring pattern here!!!!!! Its like someone taking your most core pieces of your self and then destroying them or using them for their own benefit.
06: More mad scientists, in room with as if never ending people who are all getting their CNS ”’modified” for standard operation for ultimate plan. Its as if this is happening all the time everywhere, yet inherent in this, there is memory wipe automatically.
07: Pages flying out of office buildings, those including AI command stations who make all this shit happen being revealed to soon be exposed, yet how is it that these viruses/psychopaths are to be re integrated into the data streams without again fucking shit up for others.
August 1, 2016 @ 1:53 pm
‘Mo’ please use your original identifier and it’s REALLY annoying to read through a comment to have to read through it again because I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS WRITTEN BY YOU / and so was NOT relating it to what you’ve already written in comments.
Unfortunately yes you’ve had these Doll House experiences which means it requires much more investigation to pick out what is REALLY YOU while deleting what is not and particularly for ‘accumulated’ experiences that relate to imprints of others.
January 9, 2017 @ 6:53 pm
Drawn to this page today, and read the bulk of the comments. The oldest comment triggered considerable pain because it was written in a phase (end of 2015) when I was personally in excruciating torture/suffering galactic-level extremes, and reading the “blase” / “life goes on” type comments during that time felt like a punch to the gut.
Then read through the exercise. The first sentence (“I fully and absolutely connect NOW to all of the scripted data that now or that ever contributed to defining absolutely anything of myself as I am here and now . . .) felt like I was accessing massive numbers of different versions of the targeted data bases, for the different versions of me (and felt like all these databases may be the databases that ‘all these versions of me’ had gained access to). Took forever until it felt like I’d accessed it all and then when I continued to read, found myself adding phrases like “all versions of me, everywhere, in all reality fields and multiverses, super-mv complex” and then adding in phrases along the lines of predictions, decision-making aspects, what was delivered versus what was suppressed and impacts of each etc etc. (I’ve been using these phrases for months in my own explorations, so it is a strong habit to do this)
I had a sense of different variations of cns experiments run on all these versions of me, with different impacts and variations. Then felt like I had studied these to understand how these variations were being selected, and how each one was impacted by other people / other variables, and vice versa. Felt like I was studying predictive tech, at a micro- level (personal / group, etc), then going up to larger and larger contexts. Then felt like I hit a wall, like the edge of reality and my body started to shake violently as I tried to connect to the “next level up” of predictive tech. I then hear “multiverse controller”. I finally do a search for ‘what predicted this’ and ‘what’s applying this effect to me’ and I feel like I’m now able to move up a level again, and see what looks like a field of multiverses. I start to shake again, target what’s applying these effects again etc, and now I see what looks like a central overcontroller, that seems to control this group of mv’s. It seems they are gathering into groups, like hubs, with descending and ascending ‘groupings’ of other mv’s ..?
I now ask ‘why do I feel like I should post this’? since I know you know this structure about the mv projects, and see another image, that looks more like a different type of central controller for one of the ‘dream spheres’ that I’ve posted about, and it seems like it’s been hacked – I see a thin line tracing into it, like a way to insert a small command to use the very system against itself.
When I wrote this summer that I felt like I’d been hacked, I was referring to an experience where I woke up that morning to an overwhelming feeling like I should tell you “the people are a front for the machines”. It was extremely ‘odd’ and I got very suspicious about it, finally realizing that the overnight process had been hacked and a command inserted to make sure I succinctly tell you this; I felt “extremely manipulated” because I simply could NOT stop myself from telling you this. I think this was during a time when you wrote that your teams were still trying to understand how the overnight process worked, so it felt very much to me that there was someone else who’d figured out how to ‘insert’ / “slip in” commands to turn the system against itself.
January 12, 2017 @ 12:50 am
Nyssa / Regulars/Update
From the ‘bizarre’ comment that I deleted Nyssa (because you’d inverted everything) i.e. it was all the ‘exact’ opposite of what you wrote, the one where ‘I’m’ not doing what I’m stating / me doing the sticky plaster covering up ‘trauma’ etc ‘shit’!!! Then from your next comments I managed to figure it out.
So, ‘YEA’ Nyssa, you’ve had everything and the kitchen sink in trauma terms thrown at you including ‘torture’ shit, BUT the person you are simulating actually managed to get past the ‘fluff’ and dig enough to engage with yours/it’s trauma / the underlying crap AND tried doing ‘what should work’ to resolve what you/it found BUT nothing worked and even if it did (then just as I describe of my experience here in the extended healing example) it was reverted / restored back.
So, you personally Nyssa have an extra set of trauma which is of being traumatized by being unable to resolve the trauma you/the person you are simulating accessed and attempted to resolve properly BUT were blocked and or had changes reverted.
So, for the last 2 weeks or so we’ve only had 2/3 reverts (impacting virtually no one / very few people) BUT, for those that ‘did’ experience these they have been ‘unreverted’ pretty quickly. During the same time we’ve now got easy / direct access to likely 95%+ of trauma/shit for 99.99% of people. However, for you ‘specifically’ Nyssa (and me because my original form also experienced the same of ‘doing the right thing’ to resolve ‘shit’ and it doesn’t work OR it’s reverted) then we are ‘deliberately’ at times ‘blocked’ from ‘apparently’ clearing something or having something cleared / released and or we have something ‘appear’ to restore BECAUSE this ALLOWS the trauma of the same happening to our original forms to be identified and cleared. So, Nyssa, keep this in mind when ‘trauma’ gets blocked and or appears to revert because most of these won’t be ‘really’ real they are just to give better access to the SCRIPTED ‘trauma’ of this happening originally.
Also, because we’ve now got pretty much ‘open’ access to everything AND more so stripping it down and figuring out how it all works then for specific people with ‘difficult/COMPLICATED’ shit / trauma / then we are essentially ‘inverting’ all ‘contributing technologies / AI’s / subtle shit’ etc that dedicated themselves to apply and maintain shit through time TO NOW ‘DO THE OPPOSITE’ and have it all used / working to analyse, identify and gradually undo it all ‘automatically’ instead.
So, we started to do this 3/4 days ago. Some ‘specific’ examples of this invert/analyse and clear ‘shit’ tech include:
Shirley (of the ‘extended’ healing session example on this site ‘fame’ (to investigate / sort out massive ‘repeated’ memory wipe experiences))
Melissa, Tim, Oendy, Iris + all other DH people (to investigate / deal with Doll House ‘neural imprint’ Shit),
Nyssa (to investigate extreme ‘reality’ management because someone was investigating and trying to identify and undo trauma and BUT then realised that they were blocked from doing this (i.e. trauma / trt’s were being maintained and locked).
I should point out that ‘shit’ trauma clearing will be working fine for 95%+ of issues of all types for 99% of the population. It’s the one off’s of extremes/locked down shit that we’re zeroing in on . . . however, ‘fortunately’ it’s people with these one off’s that have been deliberately attracted to this site over the last year or 2 / just to make sure we don’t think we’re figured everything out for everyone / when we haven’t yet (not quite/almost there)!!!
Also, you might have noticed that our simulated ‘world’ here is a poisonous/toxic, fucked up shit hole/insane asylum run by the most deranged psycho inmates / AND sinking fast . . . in which case it’s likely best that we jump this stinking/sinking ship and ’emigrate’ to somewhere with a better view and way better long term prospects, including 52 weeks of holiday time each year . . . soooooooooooo, ‘IF/WHEN’ this happens i.e. you suddenly find yourself ‘somewhere’ else (the newly re-decorated ‘your dead now / admin’ space will be the ‘first’ stop) then that’s the best time to ‘REMEMBER that you read this’!!! . . . AND . . . ‘RELAX’ and try not to laugh when long ‘dead’ now ‘undead/not dead in the slightest’ relatives turn up for a chat – Hahaha!!!
January 12, 2017 @ 7:09 pm
The last part of your comment really left me surprised, Clive. For the past few weeks, I had this feeling or sense of going home/wanting to go home. Just the other day (which I was feeling pretty bad) I was thinking I want to go home, and asked mentally to myself, ‘how to I do that?’ I’ve had this deep underlying feeling of freedom. Like there are so many things I can go out and see and do, and money and all the other hang-ups that usually stop me here aren’t an issue at all. Heh, in fact, there’s a part of me that just wants to say ‘fuck it’ to my job and just travel. That I don’t have to worry about money or being prepared or making plans or that I have a roof over my head or food to eat.
January 14, 2017 @ 12:19 pm
Well, Megan, ‘most’ of us here are: A) in the wrong environment, B) in the wrong physical body (or even that they are ‘IN’ a physical body BUT the person they are simulating spent most of their time as a subtle being (this applies to me)), while C) are mostly interacting with the ‘wrong’ people (for the last 8 years+ I’ve interacted with pretty much no one here that my original form interacted with), i.e. pretty much every facet of our lives are ‘wrong’ so wanting to ‘go home’ which would represent wanting things to BE AS THEY SHOULD BE / YOU ON SOME LEVEL ‘EXPECT’ THEM TO BE, I’m sure a lot of people will feel the same . . .
January 19, 2017 @ 8:16 pm
I too relate to Megan’s and your comment Clive.I have been feeling like I’m in the wrong place. Thoughts of ‘not wanting to be here’ or ‘what’s the point or purpose’,’this place is crazy’,’I don’t belong’. I feel very limited here and practically all my life I’ve tried to make my life the way I want but always been met with sabotage or delayed experiences. Or prevented from experiencing certain experiences or meeting certain people. My friend out of nowhere died from being hit by a car last year and I can’t seem to function or get over it. I always felt that it happened to sabotage me and my/her family,it didn’t make any sense. My life seems very surreal since then. I can’t seem to get over the grief and guilt or dont know if I ever will. Looking forward to using some of the focuses to connect to the grief feelings and guilt and wondering if my friend that passed on is ok wherever she is.
July 2, 2020 @ 9:25 pm
Doing this exercise, I realize that video games has rewired my brain. My life and what I feel like I have done or what is important, and those I consider my friends and loved ones all tie into the video games I’ve played, especially those I hold near and dear. I noticed that I am impatient and intolerant to everyone and everything around me. I don’t have the empathy/sympathy/compassion/patience to listen to, care about or deal with the drama/trauma/problems/negativity/etc of others. I’ve received enough crap from them not to care or deal with them ever again. It’s not my concern or my problem, and I can’t take care of them anymore. I shouldn’t be responsible for making their lives fulfilling and keeping them happy. All of this reminds me of Clive pointing out that all of here are living a very fucked up shadow of our original lives/scripts, and I wonder just how much the failures I/my Original Self have experienced in the past, on top of all the doubt/skepticism/antagonize received from others, have contributed to this bitter/anger/negative part of myself. While I say I want to get into energy healing and helping others, I can’t get myself to believe that it is as good and wonderful as others describe it to be, or that it will be effective or do any good or permanently fix anything. It pisses me off we were given such balmy understandings/knowledge to begin with much less that the tools we were given in general are piss poor too. I still feel something ‘punishing me’ for not meet other peoples’ expectations or not going along with/doing what they want or believe or like or making them happy.
If it’s not too late, I volunteer for your simulation software poking team, unless the AAHS covers those bases.