In the near future the guardians of the sacred bank of infinite temporal time keeping time keepers will realize (any time now) that they’ve been wily-nily dishing out too much poor quality sub prime time to too many time deprived people (just so some time rich crazies can grab more time by creating unregulated virtual time) and they’ll need to implement some emergency quantitative time squeezing to make up for all the earlier lost dodgy time line disc creditors are responsible for.

2012 Ascension Event Delayed by Time Crisis

This likely means that the 2012 ascension event will probably have to be put back to either 3012 or maybe even some time earlier never mind that because of irresponsible and entirely risky future time trading times then the end of the universe may now have to be put forward back to a week before next Friday although it’s quite likely to be earlier because in the squabbling over who gets all the remaining prime time the trusted time pension trust time lords most senior time shares adviser Dr Hhwoo has disappeared with the time keys and even more worryingly the sonic umbrella.

. . . n.e.w.s . . u.p.d.a.t.e . . .

It’s rumored that frantic behind the scene efforts are being made to desperately quell rumors that the mysterious Dr Hhwoo had been stealing pensioned time for unauthorized personal and entertainment time tripping use as well as of claiming enormous expenses for a second home that turned out to be just a small police call box (worryingly both the Government’s and the BBC’s time traveling expenses department were temporally absent and unavailable to comment on both the misuse and misappropriation of both time and expenses).

. . . l.a.t.e.s.t . . . j.u.s.t . . c.o.m.i.n.g . . i.n . . .

A police spokesman (DCI Plud) has just made a public statement that their inquiries indicate strong evidence to suggest that Dr Hhwoo has somehow been able to completely change his identity and might even be wearing a completely new body then it seems likely that he’s done a runner either into a safer and more time rich parallel universe or to an unregulated offshore secure time bank safe haven.

. . . t.h.e . . . g.o.v.e.r.n.m.e.n.t.s . . . r.e.p.o.n.s.e . .

Think Tank Time Crisis Experts Compare Watches!!

In the mean time based on rigorously researched well documented emergency protocols the government has reassuringly collected together all time management experts consultants they can find (anyone wearing a really expensive watch (because they will ‘obviously’ have the biggest investment in time . . . . )) and put them into the shiniest, newest most expensive think tank ever developed . . .

. . . t.h.i.n.k . . t.a.n.k . . . l.a.t.e.s.t . . .

After 3 weeks the think tank people (after intensive consideration of the size of everyone’s watch) have concluded that it’s in their best interests to slowly kill time although they all agree it’s best to do this while continuing to look REALLY busy by having round the table continuous intense arguments over whether they have enough time left to even properly discuss the time crisis . . .

Analysis; Time Crisis May Lead to Smaller Watches

In the mean time they are considering which short term time measures they can timely bank on to prevent prudent time savers withdrawing banked time that may trigger a general time run that could lead to a much earlier than expected complete crash of virtual AND real time in real time leading to the real possibility of either smaller watches, time rationing or the need to implement costly emergency backup recursive time loop generators.

You’ll know if they’ve implemented recursive time loop generators . . because . .
You’ll know if they’ve implemented recursive time loop generators . . because . .
You’ll know if they’ve implemented recursive time loop generators . . because . .
You’ll know if they’ve implemented recursive time loop generators . . because . .
You’ll know if they’ve implemented recursive time loop generators . . because . .

In the mean time, if we get more time we’ll keep you updated on the current time crisis changes as time allows . . .

. . . you may need to lie down for a while now . . .

I did after writing this . . .