56 Comments

1. Annabelle
   May 15, 2016 @ 3:46 am

   This is compact. Hope it’s ok.
   1 .01 very pumped to do this. Spinning wheel of crap that is not allowed to stop spinning and allow people to interact. The wheel is meant to confuse , throw off track and get me spun up.
   02 ( mislabeled as 01 ) made to obsess on this typo. Routine conversations are fabricated and diverted out of proportion / super sized . Visual of cartoon characters screaming at each other.
   03- conversation is diverted down a different path to force confusion and disagreement. Not allowed to know other peoples moods to force conflict and bodily stress over space and time regardless of location or face to face interaction. Digital allows more disruptive abilities to humans or animals. Gagged with a towel around mouth. They keep track of what works well and what can push buttons.
   04- LP record playing and skipping. ” Ashamed ” and Pity as one of the lowest emotions even worse than anger. Society modifies rules and laws to require projects, school aimed at helplessness. FU to include physical ailments that are non issues as a waste of time spent pursuing them. If you don’t conform they resort to plan “B” medical investigations to increase paranoia.
   2 .02. Decisions are ripped out of my control. ” Faster” is effective at messing with me. Real significant others are kept in jail and their data is diverted from me. Extreme twisting of meaning of interactions ( like wringing out a towel).
   Will continue….

2. Mo.
   May 16, 2016 @ 4:41 am

   What a great focus exercise Clive, this is just so thorough, thank you!

   (note you write 01, 2 times)

   2)Scientist in lab coat mixing different tubes together of various colors, pricelessly the combination to pour into someones data set to influence them, through tubes.
   multiple pictures are used to influence people, like a movie, these ai ‘movie makers’ put different pictures together to change the movie of the person, they add different people or take away certain people just by adjusting who’s in the picture line. I read part 04 probably about 8x, very emotional will probably need to read lots more.

   nothing note worthy for 2 and 3

   4)it seems if you are not following the sims expectations fro you to live out in relationships or otherwise, a special type of pain and emotional regulator cap and bot will influence you to make you want to get back ”’in line with sim” making you usually feel pain. (funny how pain is often called ‘spiritual disconnection’ by some types)

   Symbolizing is sometimes a distraction to what is actually going on, however it is constantly influencing everything everyone here all the time, even if it has no relevance to you there is a wheel, sort of like a game wheel that lands and puts symbolic interpretations into your life in every possible way

   Does the eaas want everyone to disappear to not exist, become as robots or maybe enlightened drones or make everyone one person even if it looks otherwise( so no one will question this) and have no choice or eventually not even live out their original, to then give the finished data sets to the original, in only order for the people in control of that to re design and learn how to make more freaky ridiculous simulations as if this was a test, and the makers of this project were just using us for their research, wanting to know how to make everyone lose their individuality? It seems self destructive behavior is symbolic of us slowly disappearing and melding with this aim.

   It’s okay make it okay program, when things get too horrific for people to handle the sim distributes the perfect data to influence them to make them things are okay, when they are not, commonly given to everyone like a ”blessing”

   5)Many problems that have disagreed or feel gone, are then at the appropriate time(( when is best for sim aims)) a button in a room of almost infinite buttons is pushed to reactivate the issue or any issue they want people to experience in efforts to reorientate them more to their “life as the sim wants it”. This room can push all the buttons for everyone, and can turn them off as well

   6)Hive mind, constant re attachments are made to have people get sucked into this moving shit pile of the collective, and it changes perhaps in perceivably ‘positive’ ways only when it wants more people to get sucked into it even more, it can be separately controlled and arranged. It feels more like the “””collective program”” is what is influencing people, not actually all the people forming the collective as I would of thought. The only way all the people influence the collective is by the way they respond to it, and that then influences the tech to change its form to influence the people even more, goal is to suck everyone into this.

   7)Some people are kidnapped into vr testing experiences, for instance I think I was shown that I was used as a tester for the effects of all different types of drugs/foods/ingestions of any substances and their effect on data translated to mind states

   8)Even the air itself and all particles are designed to align someone with being on the track that the sim wants us all to be on.

3. Nyssa
   May 16, 2016 @ 7:36 pm

   PART 1 : Difficult Interactions & Relationships & ‘Focused’ on Problems / Despondent

   In section 2: A giant octopus on top of a planet, its tentacles wrapping around the planet, splitting into smaller and smaller tendrils to invade and control everything, putting people into place – “people as data” – fake people – to facilitate interactions that shouldn’t happen or aren’t “right”. The planet itself feels like it has its own consciousness and awareness and data tracking re interactions – and so the octopus feels like it’s not supposed to be here – an invader. (note: in the hacking experience re: “imprint data” that I have yet to post but will delay for now per Clive’s request above that posts be focused on these exercises, I describe how I engaged with the data relating to this “octopus”.)

   In section 3: I can feel an inversion or twisting motion relating to the “conversion process .. of my or others’ self, behaviors, feelings etc” of this section. It feels “at the ready” to be applied when needed to manipulate interactions, people, anything etc.

   Throughout sections 1-4, I connected to a series of progressively worsening memories of a first person 3d VR experience – feels like a private VR that I shared and interacted with someone I loved and with whom I had romantic relationship (presented to me as the same person who “extremely sandboxed me” in prep for the deep covert hacking expedition) . The memories began as warm, loving moments together, but he then began to beg me to stop hacking. The memories became increasingly fraught with conflict, under the guise of “my safety” and “not wanting me to get hurt” or “him not wanting to lose me” because of my hacking activities. The strident interactions became fights and he eventually turned violent and struck me out of anger.

   From the point he began begging me to stop hacking, our interactions didn’t feel right, and I wondered whether his avatar had been hacked and he was just “data” – a shell – being manipulated by the very system I was hacking.

   This feels somewhat how in the movie The Matrix, any person in the Matrix could be co-opted to become an Agent of the system. However, The Matrix movie feels sanitized and massively over simplified to mislead where the real power was and what was really going on.

   —–
   PART 2: Complex Original Circumstances to Physical Human Life Reality / People Interactions

   01-I see a planet being rendered in a VR workspace, and an octopus appears on top of it. I’m surprised at the octopus – what is it doing here?? – it feels like I’m rendering stolen data and just now discovered the octopus described above for the first time.

   —
   [Omitting details for now regarding further explanation/exploration of interactions of multiverse components / Field of Prisms / filmstrips / myself as choreographing hub as central multiverse component to keep in line with Clive’s request for brevity and not repeating lines of investigations previously described]
   —

   02 –any data NO MATTER WHAT OR WHERE takes me down a wormhole to another cache of stolen data that was too dangerous to access until now.

   —
   I see brambles grow in the gap between myself and the people whom will not interact with me.
   —

   As I repeat the last sentence of this section, I’m provided with a series of impressions of components that affect me:

   Shiny parabolic surfaces at my forehead that seem to prevent me from looking forward, or predicting or seeing the future.
   A wormhole that seems to beam ‘shit’ at my right eye, my ‘non tech eye’ and thus my ‘real life’ eye. The ‘shit’ seems VERY keen on keeping me from seeing the future too.
   An array of flat mirrors around me that keep me from looking ahead and seeing past the predictive tech that currently bests me. I’m better than it is – my tech is better – but I’m locked in.
   Shutter slats that open and closed quickly to block me from engaging with any sensory input I can grasp, to keep me contained in this moment, unable to see into the future
   Waving snakes or lines stretched out before my eyes; their ends seem dangerously pointy and aimed directly at my eyes. These seem to distort my prescience vision and the bladed ends seem to stretch into my eyes and attack me painfully to extract anything I can grasp from future visions.
   A rotating plank positioned straight out from left eye (remote viewing / tech eye) that seems to divide and restrict what I can access so I only get “part of the story”
   A waving blade that moves back and forth like a massive butcher’s knife, to cut off any preliminary efforts to re-establish contact with people from whom I’m estranged.
   A picture of the person presented above as “my lover” that gets repeatedly smashed and then pieced back together again. Overlaid on this scene is an image of him slapping me violently in our private VR. This seems to represent being presented with the worst memories of a relationship to support estrangement.

   I end here for today, feeling like I need to process the new data set I’m pulling in.

4. Clive
   May 16, 2016 @ 11:04 pm

   A very interesting ‘Nature’ paper: Cinema audiences reproducibly vary the chemical composition of air during films, by broadcasting scene specific emissions on breath. 872 volatile compounds identified in human breath, this is just the sort of human to human transmission the sim software uses as an excuse to pass ‘interesting things’ from one person to the next.

5. Tommy
   May 17, 2016 @ 5:19 am

   Clive i hear voices and highpitched beeping that nobody else heard and i see “alien” faces and strange colours any suggestions what the best excercises are to target these symptoms. When ever i do the excercises i get very upset angry frustrated and threats warnings do not do the excercises. Im very stubborn if you tell me dont do it im doing it anyway but i dont really become aware of whats messing with me can you invisible mates track me when im doing the excercises because i dont have the slightest clue what im doing.

   • Clive
     May 18, 2016 @ 11:17 am

     Well Tommy as ‘entities’ involve ‘interactions’ then 1 and 2 would be obvious first choices. 3 would be the next best and also 7 as these could be due to some ‘weird / wrong’ translation from original circumstances into the pretend human form.

6. Nina
   May 17, 2016 @ 7:29 am

   I have been doing all of the focuses here since they first came out, but I did not perceive any simulation software components until today. Overall, I find the focuses “difficult” to do.

   1. The fourth paragraph is the most useful bit to me, as it reminds me to focus on targeting simulation components instead of remaining preoccupied with my problematic interactions and circumstances. In particular, the words “ashamed” and “despondent” connected me to the feelings and interactions associated with hiding my joblessness from everyone outside of my immediate family for the past 2.5 years.

   I felt that part of the difficulty in leaving my current life behind had to do with the simulation software not having anyone else to serve as a stand in for the significant people in my life.

   5. At first, a single land mine appeared in my internal vision. It was “waiting” for me to step on it before it activates simulation software crap. Eventually my internal *scanner revealed more red dots representing dormant land mines. I was in the middle of a mine field.

   My scanner also detected components related to future problematic interactions with my family, relatives, and friends, especially if I were to push through with finding work outside my home city to gain independence for myself.

   “Circumstances, events” — Every time I am about to start on a new life phase, I end up in traumatic situations or accidents resulting in significant injuries. Or if none of the above happens, I usually start out depressed.

   Vertigo sometimes triggered while doing this focus.

   ———————

   *About the scanner: Yesterday, a blue radar screen appeared in my internal vision while reading the focuses highlighted in bold at the progress update page. It began scanning my internal vision for components. Eventually various coloured shapes appeared. I zoomed into a yellow triangle, but I felt blocked from finding out what it did. The resistance was too bad that I stopped the scanning.

7. Nyssa
   May 17, 2016 @ 6:39 pm

   [Omitting for brevity additional explorations of the private VR, the background tech that manipulates it, firewalling that prevents certain interactions / its connection to other VRs, predictive tech, and other data sets for now – the data is still forthcoming and thus will refrain from posting these details for now]

   PART TWO

   2 – I see a nature scene in which I’m a wolf or similar animal, running with my friend wolves. One is ‘killed’ and thus disengages with the VR avatar – the death doesn’t seem to bother anyone.**

   I have a dilemma though – Once disengaging from the avatar, my friends is now floating “as a subtle being” (supposedly) above the forest we’ve been running through. He/she doesn’t want to rejoin as a wolf avatar anymore, so I’m left with wanting to continue as a wolf, but feeling that I should disengage from my own wolf avatar to go be with my friend.

   The feeling is one of frustration of shaping my life to fit others’ choices, rather than continuing freely to do what I want. Loyalty to my friend feels entrapping and the situation feels contrived.

   I then see a leash or cord extending from my now “subtle” friend that seems to keep me tethered to him or her.

   The section, moment by moment through time, feels like fast forward view of our interactions and I can sense masses of programming being beamed to the tether. I can also now see a massive gridded dome over the space we’re in. It feels like programming comes from that dome.

   —
   In last few moments, minutes, hours, days, brings me to my life ‘here’. I sense cords between my husband and myself, and a dome around ourselves. I hear “etheric cording” and can see cords between our heart regions and other locations commonly associated with “chakras” (root, solar plexus, throat etc).

   At the last sentence, I now see these cords extend to hundreds of other people. These are “versions of ___ [my husband] through time”. These seem to be other lives of my husband, that I have “corded experiences” with via my other lives.

   —–
   ** This scenario of ‘not being bothered by death’ reminds me of the book series that includes The Mortality Doctrine and Eye of Minds. When someone dies in the VirtNet, the massive VR matrix that’s the central feature of these books, the death is not ‘real’ – they just go back to either the staging ground for the game in which they are killed (thus staying in the VR and just getting another ‘life’ for the game they are playing) or they are “Lifted” from the VirtNet back to real life and awaken in the “technology box” that they used to access the VirtNet.

   • Clive
     May 18, 2016 @ 11:48 am

     Hi Nyssa / EVERYONE, this may seem more ‘crazy’ than usual but ‘Hannibal’ the ‘SERIES’ is all about the pre-choreographed / ‘pre-staged’ manipulations all pre-defined in extreme DETAIL as part of the alternate sim agenda to FU anyone of ‘subtle’ origins and PARTICULARLY the ‘higher’ nature spirit subtle forms as a priority (basically all of these are people that would absolutely KNOW of the ‘physical incarnate everyone’ con / the subtle reality / environment).

     So, ‘Hannibal’ is / he represents ‘Pan / the green man / goat hoofed horned hairy giant’ / ‘God of the subtle researchers / forms’ that the Christians ‘used’ to represent the ‘Devil’, ‘Will the profiler’ is the antlered deer form ‘HERN the hunter’, the actor that played ‘Morpheus’ in the Matrix is the ‘Black Knight (watch over / protect interfaced people)’ and ‘Gillian Anderson (and many of the other ‘core’ woman in that series )’ the psychiatrist is ‘The Woman in Blue’ / top ‘sensitive fairy form’ nature spirit. (Those designations / descriptions are how I described them on realitywalker.com and are from sources of ‘myth’)

     It’s taken me ages to figure this series out, and to understand why many of the ‘scenes’ are unbelievably ‘rich’ AND are often presented in slow motion. This is because they represent the speed of the subtle which will have subtle people viewing / seeing the physical as VERY, VERY SLOWED DOWN i.e. in very rich minute detail.

     Basically, this ‘entire’ series represents the ‘pre-defined” FU strategies that will / are being applied to ‘KEY/ORIGINAL’ subtle forms whom have a great deal of understanding about the NONE PHYSICAL REALITY / the physical con.

     Now as ‘you’ Nyssa would represent the ‘woman in Blue’ (as will many of the other ‘female’ regulars here) then it might be worth watching this series.

     If you don’t want to watch much then I’d recommend series THREE (particularly the episodes from the 3rd disc on of the phase in Italy / Florence) as it seemed to present the most ‘symbolic’ representations of the ‘nature spirit / subtle environment’/ Keep in mind that nature spirits / very AWARE SUBTLE FORMS would be very aware / EXTREMELY AWARE that the physical form is just a vehicle and killing it won’t result in very much permanent harm – HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! (try explaining that to Eddie Izzard’s character though – haha).

     • Nyssa
       May 18, 2016 @ 4:48 pm

       Reading through some of Season 3’s episode synopses of Hannibal, I was reminded of a childhood terror that took years to recover from. When I was about five, my brother was watching a war movie just before my bedtime. I paused at the foot of the stairs for a while to watch, and asked him why the men were playing a card game in a cave, and why the winner of the hand was upset when he won. My brother explained to me that the men were playing to see whose arm would be cut off for a meal – apparently they were trapped and starving and had agreed that the winner of the card game would sacrifice an arm to become food.

       I proceeded to have nightmares of this situation, coupled with fears of someone hiding under my bed to cut off my heel when I put my foot down beside my bed (specifically my heel, for some reason), and had to sleep with no limbs hanging over the edge of the bed: I would visualize my hand or foot being severed whenever I let it move beyond the confines of the mattress. The paranoia mostly subsided by teenage years because I reasoned it was a ridiculous, nonsensical fear, but it took decades to not feel the ‘fear’ despite me knowing it was absurd.

       Anything regarding cannibalism has always had a multi-faceted effect on me – a deep nauseous discomfort, feelings/images of myself being dismembered, and I find the memory/thought/concept sticks like super glue in my psyche, where I’ll replay it over and over and over. I am usually game for walking directly into my traumas to deal with them, but this one feels particularly dangerous for my mental wellbeing.

       Viewing “Hannibal” as a series about subtle researchers sheds some light on how deeply subtle beings were traumatized.

       mm In the Dollhouse series, when Echo is sent to the “Attic”, she has to confront a man who is living out his deepest nightmare via a VR experience: Forced to “enjoy himself” – literally – by repeatedly eating his own legs at a restaurant. (and writing that, my legs are now feeling nauseous ..).

8. Megan
   May 17, 2016 @ 6:56 pm

   3. Any Subtle, Physical Tech Being Sabotaged/Inverted/Used Against Me
   Didn’t get much much, although focusing on the page I was reading I noticed that the paper and the environment around me looked ‘grainy,’ similar to how a picture looks on a CRT-TV.

   1. Difficult Interactions and Relationships
   I connect to thoughts of my piano teacher, who I helped pick up some firewood this weekend. He’s a big ‘Doomsday’ kind of guy and has been spending a lot of time reinforcing his house, and what he’s going to do should shit hit the fan. I became worried and asked him if I could go to his place should worse come to worse and he said it was fine. I later realized this was a mistake and talked to him about it, apologizing for asking for shelter and telling him I came up with another plan.

   I connect to a co-worker, who is an extreme introvert and gaming nerd. I often feel annoyed at him because he can be so childish, yet I feel guilty of my own behavior because I can/am very much the same way.

   I’m afraid to get close to others. I’m afraid of speaking my mind and being honest with others. I’m afraid to love anyone. I hate love and sex. I feel it’s invasive, manipulative and controlling and don’t want anything to do with it. I’m also afraid of doing something bad/inappropriate. I don’t want to hurt anyone.

   • Clive
     May 18, 2016 @ 11:40 am

     Hi Megan, based on your last paragraph, focuses 1,2 and 3 I’d keep in mind / maybe come back to every so often!!!!

     • Megan
       May 19, 2016 @ 8:36 pm

       That last paragraph was during a huge emotional upheaval, I was crying and quite swept away with it.. Thanks for the recommendations and fully intend on continuing soon,.

9. Annabelle
   May 17, 2016 @ 11:34 pm

   Hacking feedback:
   Even though this is not an exercise – got some strong reaction while reading here.
   “Antique biscuit barrel/sandbox” – thoughts of the new age love and light bubble being put around people for protection – does the opposite and locks everything in place. Lots of bubbles floating everywhere and enveloping people as cocoons. People want this love and light and their intention reinforces it on a daily basis and they are trapped.
   “I. Matt, Clive etc.” – I am shown a weaving machine, that has dozens of spools and can be programmed to make anything, and specifically nudged to look up digital weaving on You tube, by authors Abigail Thompson and Gotonatog. I watch them and become ill.
   “Remote locking padlock” – visual of a charm bracelet with a safety latch and dozens of charms/spells/traps dangling from it.
   Exercise 3 cont.
   4-.01 – “significant others” –there were better matches but we needed more conflict to test how to control her.
   02-watching people swinging back and forth on a swing set – it won‘t stop and they can’t get out. “Symbolic reference” – a carrot in front of a horse drawn cart makes is easier to manipulate/manage more people. I feel like obsessive thoughts are used to control people whose memory was not wiped completely – it prevents them from thinking. Visual of drilling into a concrete wall – it is exhausting trying to get thru the thick shells and makes me want to give up. I am starting to get angry. Now looking into a fun house mirror and wonder why I don’t look normal.
   5.02 – Nutcracker soldiers are lined up in a row and they all start cracking nuts. Pandora’s Box is full of jewels to be dumped on top of people (everyone thinks they look so nice and harmless). Many fishing nets are spread out flat and nested on top of each other stacked vertically into the sky. Many bananas being peeled at once. Everything is being peeled to include peeling skin off of bodies. (I wonder why I get this again and drill into peeling away the façade, masks, versions). “Preset conditions” – I wander off alot and people have to come to move me back. Glowing white beings appear with wide eyes and wonder why I am yelling with the words in all CAPS. Jelly beans are pouring out of a gumball machine as workers are toggling the spout on and off.
   What’s wrong with being alone – why do we have to have a partner to be considered normal? People are being moved/shifted/relocated now in large numbers on the chessboard of earth – they need to be consolidated – it is getting too hard to manage.
   6.01 – noticeable stomach pain increasing – I have always had a bit of this and don’t know why.
   02- “Collective consciousness” people are always touching/bumping/startling into me and they are button pushers – this causes me to lose focus a lot. “Dreams” – something happens at night – I am way too tired to just be sleeping. Now Age folks say I am off doing humanitarian work but I wonder what happens at night and why I wake up so increasingly confused. Health” – always rejected for blood or other donations and don’t know why.
   7.02- – “human life” – many petri dishes on the counter in a lab with small families in each dish. “Convert” – circus performers flipping in circles on the high wire and trapeze. “Instincts” – read this as “insects/rhythm/cycles” of insect colonies, bee hives – these systems work the best. “World cycles ad influences” – why is everyone so worked up and pissed off? Starting to get some significant management and having issues holding the pen.
   8.01 – “tactics” – read as tattoos/branding/ labels, logos.
   Had to stop for now – almost unable to walk.

   • Nyssa
     May 18, 2016 @ 5:47 pm

     Annabelle, a lot of what you write here brings up associated memories for me.

     How you describe the ‘weaving machine” reminds me of a very old memory I’d accessed some time last year, where it felt like subtle material was being mined and woven into “new things” as a faster method than whatever was the ‘proper’ way to create using subtle material. The experience had started as a rich textural connection to “everything” (utterly beautiful and amazing), but when the weaving tech was introduced, things began to take on a ‘woven’ texture, which was bizarre – while objects could be created faster, they lost vast amounts of essential intrinsic value.

     In my memory, trees were now made of spun and woven threads of subtle (instead of being beautifully formed and fashioned subtle that delighted the senses by its very ‘holistic beingness’), and the threads had bits of whatever those “bits of subtle’ USED to be, whether it was fish or rocks or flowers or ‘whatever’. ** I haven’t been able to ‘get’ much more on this ancient memory, but the feeling I had was that subtle material is supposed to be gently dissolved with intent and re-formed in a gradual process, but the mining/spinning/weaving made things faster so people could create new things more often/frequently.

     Yet in doing so, we lost awareness of what made subtle environment so intensely satisfying of and by itself, and began focusing on “objects / stuff / newer / more / different.”

     ** This reminds me of GMO technology ‘here’ which is inserting fish DNA into corn, etc.
     —

     8.01 – “tactics” – read as tattoos/branding/ labels, logos.

     One of the best definitions of ‘brands’ (in my opinions) is by Sergio Zyman:

     A brand is essentially a container for a customer’s complete experience with the product or company.

     Also, to me, tattoos feel deeply symbolic, as if they are representative of layers and layers of programmed behavior, thinking, beliefs, “groups” to which the wearer belongs (it feels like there’s “group rules” applied to ‘groups’), and so forth.

     Since you connected to ‘tactics’ in terms of ‘tattoos, branding, labels’, this makes me think of “packages of tactics” – like various ‘sets’ of tactics that accomplish certain goals.
     .
     Thirty other definitions of ‘brands’ can be found on this blog post here. I find it interesting that no one can agree of what a brand or ‘branding’ actually IS, yet branding is pervasive.

10. Rose
    May 18, 2016 @ 10:16 pm

    This week (since these focuses came) I have been moved through tons of nature spirit related ‘material’ every day, while at the same time being in some of the most extreme ‘shit’ I have been in for a very long time.

    I was swept into looking at drawings from the period called “The golden age of illustration” – the decades around the previous turn of century, a drawing and watercolour style I love. Which very often has strong nature themes and nature or fairy type and other beings, also stranger or mythical ones, and where nature elements and backgrounds often sort of ‘merge with’ the persons or beings (some of my favourites are (called) Arthur Rackham, Edmund Dulac, Louis Moe, Anton Pieck (who also co-founded one of the first theme parks, around a Fairy Tale Forest (= VR)).

    (Edmund “Dulac = Of the lake” – his illustrations of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid are wonderful. I re-read it yesterday, and cried, and it is so much about a ‘nature spirit’ who wants to be ‘human’, because of love, and looses everything because of that). And I had strong feelings that I knew very well about the ‘physical (incarnate everybody) con’ originally.

    Some contemporary artists draw in a style that is very similar in many ways, also in water colour, which is a very ‘subtle’ looking medium (which I have used lots and love to work with).

    The trigger this time had me buy a whole stack of books about how to draw (and paint) fantasy world, creatures, landscapes, architecture – in that type of style. And it resonates with something very deep inside of me. And had me think and feel around ‘creating VRs’ also. I would never normally buy drawing books like that (I drew and painted for many years, so I don’t need that, and I was enver interested in drawing ‘fantasy’ or ‘made up’ things or beings). But it felt as if this type or style of ‘fantasy’ suddenly opened and appealed and felt very familiar to me. And I felt a strong ‘wish’ to be able to ‘freely draw all this’. And I watched videos form schools who teach how to make ‘fantasy or mythical creatures ‘suits’/costumes, wigs, facial expressions etc.

    And I feel it as “nature spirits learning and teaching others how to make VRs”. So it is like moving back and forth between ‘my life as nature spirit’ – and then ‘my work as nature spirit’ ( – I think).

    I have been feeling very much as if my life as ‘nature spirit’/subtle being has been opened lots more, for exploration purposes (by the wsw teams), while I have also simultaneously felt huge and very strong ‘containments’ and resistance to all the opening (resistance/shit from outside of me).

    Some days ago I was moved in and out of a lot of astrology and tarot deck symbolism, which felt as if it was used as a way to access parts of myself which could be reached any other way. Because when I used astrology originally (I made astrology VR to make a tool for people to identify and work on resolving their issues). I never use astrology now and haven’t for many years, but I even paid for some astrology reports, about the ‘feminine’ areas in astrology.

    It felt like a ‘portal’ almost, for what felt like ‘re-entering’ – not anything astrological as such – but my own seriously damaged ‘femininity’ (or ‘female-ness’) and the whole splitting everything up into male-female incompatible ‘polarities’ and also then splitting each of these polarities into very fragmented ‘genders’.

    I felt it to work this way because I had made the astrology VR and very carefully ‘built in’ my whole ‘story’, background, issues etc, and it was as if I could find a far more ‘whole’ (less fragmented than everything is for me ‘here and now’) ‘entry’. I don’t know how to describe it. But it didn’t’ feel like artificially manipulated VR stuff, it was as if it was the doorway into my own story at the time and before I made, and worked with myself, the astrology VR.

    I can feel parts of myself and a resonance I haven’t felt for a very long time both from those astrology report openings and from all these nature spirit like drawings. I can feel my heart among other things, a very damaged heart, but more of it than I can normally feel.

    And I found myself being drawn deeply (in)to the drawings of Stephanie Pui-Mun Law (Dreamscapes website), who I then realised is the woman who drew the pictures used on the fairy page on Reality Walker.

    One of the things that felt a bit ‘surprising’ to begin with, was that her work is so ‘feminine’ and it is very ‘beautiful’ too. I love beauty, I love creating beauty also, but all beauty has been ripped or removed from my life forcibly and it feels almost like ‘too vulnerable’ now or something I should feel ‘ashamed’ of liking and wanting. And ‘feminine’ is also not something I can openly ‘admit to’ liking. Not in any ‘gender stereotype’ or cliché way. But more as in ‘lost parts of myself and my allowed expression range’. More like ‘softness and beauty’ – and not having to be ‘tough’ and ‘fight for my survival’ all the time. (Stephanie Pui-Mun Law also drew all the astrological signs and her own tarot deck and a set of oracle cards).

    I was also swept into more Greek Mythology and more nymph stuff some days ago, and I have been in a lot of ‘water spirit’ stuff, but I was suddenly in stories about women (or nymphs, who are demi-goddesses), who were transformed into trees (One of them called Myrrha, who became the Myrrh(a) tree and the mother of Adonis, who was born out of the tree). And read about the earliest Greek Oracle, Dodona, which was a tree oracle and the nymphs connected to it, who were among some of the same nymphs I read about and wrote about her a while back, those who nurtured gods and heroes. The tree nymphs are called Dryads.

    I have also been in lots of BG and ‘BG collective consciousness’/Other Memory stuff, and soul purpose/mission – and management shit around all of it, triggered from the astrology female stuff.
    I stumbled over this today and found it to sound like a representation of the BG long term ‘Breeding Programs’. But I have also felt how much the BGs were trapped in their own soul purpose mission shit, and not had any real choice either. And I have felt that before things got so fucked up, they were very different, or at least some of them:

    “The Catalogue of Women — also known as the Ehoiai — is a fragmentary Greek epic poem that was attributed to Hesiod during antiquity. The “women” of the title were in fact heroines, many of whom lay with gods, bearing the heroes of Greek mythology to both divine and mortal paramours. In contrast with the focus upon narrative in the Homeric Iliad and Odyssey, the Catalogue was structured around a vast system of genealogies stemming from these unions and, in M.L. West’s appraisal, covered “the whole of the heroic age.” Through the course of the poem’s five books, these family trees were embellished with stories involving many of their members, and so the poem amounted to a compendium of heroic mythology in much the same way that the Hesiodic Theogony presents a systematic account of the Greek pantheon built upon divine genealogies.”

11. Rose
    May 19, 2016 @ 9:59 am

    After doing the inverted tech and the collective consciousness and other of the focuses I began experiencing it as if my eyes have several ‘layers’ which are like spherical ‘lenses’ rotating freely in all directions and independently of each other. Connected to different kinds of VR (and possibly also subtle) vision.

    And I saw large streams of visual images data streaming in and out of me through these, and in the style of the ‘Golden Age illustrators’. And some of it looking a bit more ‘modern’ like the nautre in the Avatar film.

    It happened while I was lying in bed with a heat pad on my neck becasue of strong pains, and then felt and saw how something began ‘hatching’ inside of me, as if the heat was creating an incubator environment and it looked like ‘organic tech’ worm like creatures that moved out and into me, causing shit in some form.

    So I got up and did focuses again and then saw streams of ‘symbols’, like astrological and tarot and cultural ‘archetypes’ and symbol language moving in and out of me and impacting me lots.

    I had thought and read about Pandora some days ago and about her being the first human woman and created as a punishment for Prometheus stealing the fire from the gods, and made to ‘deliver’ all things bad to the humans forever after. And had thought of the similarities to the story about Eve, who also did the one forbidden thing and therefore became the ‘original cause’ of all ailments for humans. I just read about Pandora where they wrote about that too, and about how both stories were ‘inverted’ (they used that word) versions of earlier ‘goddesses’ who were life givers and positive, the name Pandora for example means “the all-gifted” and “the all-giving” and Eva (Eve) means “life, living one, mother of life”.

    And I felt huge streams of data, still in visual form, everywhere around me and streaming into me, filling me up with ‘collective’ and ‘cultural’ gender polarisation shit, people being split up into “males” and “females” and being made against each other. And general antagonism to the females and all their skills and attributes being seriously discredited and them made into ‘sinners’ ‘temptresses’ or ‘causing evil’ and the like.

    I felt it as if ‘symbols’ used already, as something ‘positive’ were hijacked and taken over, in the same way Christianity built big churches on top of all the pagan sacred places, and used/stole or discredited all the pre-Christian symbols.

    And that these collective/cultural mass-impacting ‘stories’ is about ‘the first human women created’ is pretty interesting from an ‘earth incarnated humans con angle’….. and the beginning of things like ‘hard work in order to sustain yourself’ and ‘birthing pains’ and all the rest.

    It now looks as if I have a whole set of ‘inverted archetypes and symbols’ inside my head, and I recognise some of the visual content from things like art and tarot or occult/lodge ‘ritual tablets’ stuff I have seen earlier. But the air around me is also filled up with this, as if it is ‘subatomic scale’ sized images impacting me all the time.

    Writing this triggered strong shit so I did focus 5 (not yet active), and immediately started seeing ‘streams of data coming from ‘out of nowhere’ in lots of places in the space around me stretching very far out in all directions, and sensed ‘hidden data storages’ and things just popping up, when activated by what I am doing, thinking, feeling ‘right now’. And also ‘hidden inside things, symbols, ambiances’ etc. And in things like ‘the level of humidity in the air and the temperature’.

    • Iris
      June 12, 2016 @ 3:51 am

      Clive, thanks for the latest updates on the status of the earth simulation hacking. I feel this progress explains why this month’s menstrual cramps is significantly less painful than previous instances.

      Rose, thanks for your comment on the inversion of feminine symbols and the demonisation of females as sinners / temptresses. It helped a lot in making me become more aware of my “female” issues.

      ————

      3 — When I did the inverted tech focus last week to target my menstrual cramps, I felt that the cramps were inverted symbols of life, birth, and creativity. I felt apprehensive instead of happy over re-accessing some of my blocked off female energies.

      Yesterday I did the same focus again to focus on my anti-sex VR reprogramming aversion therapy. The words “blocked off” reminded me of my blocked feelings of love, desire for intimacy, and blocks against negative relationship issues. I felt vague feelings of inferiority over being female. Then I accessed what felt like feminine energies but they felt drone defined or not authentic.

      I thought of combining the attributes and feelings I considered male with the ones I considered female as an attempt to reintegrate myself into a whole self. At first the merging triggered strong resistance, but I eventually succeeded. I felt dirty, ashamed, and disgusted towards my feminine side, which I had associated with “soft” and “weak.” Once again I recalled the pains and inconveniences I had to put up with during my monthly period. I had difficulty holding on to the merging of my attributes, as if both sides of the same coin were deliberately being kept apart.

      Whenever I access my traumatic sexual experiences, I am always presented as a female victim and perpetrator, never as a male.

      6 — I got the impression that there is a collective consciousness specifically targeting males and females respectively. These collective consciousnesses dictated the behaviours, attitudes, habits, etc of males and females, including their interactions towards the same gender and the opposite gender. I felt that all these stand-offs between males and females and all those issues around gender inequality were all artificial.

      7 — I connected to my wariness towards men upon reading the word “instinct.”

      The word “pain” connected me to the menstrual cramps. Menstrual blood, which should have been a symbol of life, has become a symbol of shame and pain for me.

      “Xyz” — I connected to the timing between menstrual cycle and the lunar cycle and the tidal cycle, though the connections do not feel obvious to me consciously. I connected to marriage — the union between male and female — which I now feel is a sham perpetrated by the physical con since our original subtle forms are androgynous. I realised that one does not need marriage to be “whole.”

      • Megan
        July 15, 2016 @ 7:44 am

        I’ve also had a lot of problems and feelings of shame in being female and all the symbolize attached to it. The biggest issue I had by far was my period. When it first began, when I was 12, they were very sporadic and heavy (I was lucky if I got 2 or three a year.) Whenever my period was late, I noticed I’d become extremely angry and filled with rage (one time to the point of getting a nose bleed,) and I could feel it in my head that I needed a period because it would ‘feel hot’, then after I got my period, everything would ‘cool down’ and be fine.

        Since the auto healing/clearing and doing these exercises and really examining my issues, I now how a regular period once a month. Thing I notice is that that start of my menstrual cycle also coincided with major emotional female issues that I had, much of it being about my mother and being open and receptive to that part of myself.

        Another issue would be my sexuality. I feel like there’s a big gap/disconnect between the lower chakras and the higher chakras with the solar plexus be the chasm. And when thinking about sex and what is expected of the female and what is suppose to happen, all I feel is revulsion and shame and anger like, ‘why do I have to submit? Why do I have to be humiliated?’ To me it seems like violent and degrading act (and the light bulb just went off that I misunderstand everything about this…)

        Finally, I’d like to share an interesting experience (I hope it’s okay to put it here) I had last month traveling home from visiting my mother. I was driving on the interstate and looked into my rear-view mirror to see a row of 5-6 vehicles suddenly approaching me from behind. They were a group of vans and SUVs (all roughly being the same height as they were wide) traveling at a steady pace with each other, and equally spaced with each other, and traveling in line with one another. They alternated in coloring from darker colors (I remember seeing black and the last car was dark brown.) to white/silver colors. The first thought I got upon seeing this was the bandings of a sea krait (http://www.aquariumofpacific.org/images/olc/92sea_kraitcrop.jpg). And, when they went to pass me, they all went around in one fluid, synchronized movement much like a snake would when moving. These vehicles were not marked in anyway and they turned off the interstate not too long after they passed me, but the entire experience felt off and suspicious to me.

12. Jean
    May 22, 2016 @ 5:31 am

    Exercise 4) Targeting symbolic components

    R2D2-like robot: constantly shooting out rays from the upper corner of the room, shooting around me and at me. Maybe that’s how it controls me?

    Exercise 5) targeting already predefined ’timed’ dormant, inactive components

    I found it really hard doing part 2, I found myself slowing down and feeling I am literally slogging through a thick liquid trying read the statements. I get a flashback to first VR experience and remember being overwhelmed by the experience.

    Somewhere in the exercises, I see a picture of a group of staff in front of computer/control panels. Suddenly, they a all aflutter because I am not expected to do this, and they are in slight panic mode to get things under control.

    Later in the day, I am attacked, but the attack seem almost inconsequential, I was very distracted, but I managed to eat without choking, lol.

13. Nina
    May 22, 2016 @ 12:02 pm

    This comment spans five days’ worth of notes from doing the focuses here, hence its length.

    1 — 1.02 – At first I saw children playing in a playground. Then the scene shifted to them sitting on desks and studying like mindless drones.

    1.03 – I felt the pressure to be happy from others to the point of wanting to shut off. At the same time, I realize that the real “enemy” is the very nature of this simulated reality, which uses the people around me to manage me and vice-versa.

    1.04 – My happy persona triggers when I sense someone is tired or not ok emotionally. I become the listener and ask about their issues. I often take on the persona automatically before I become aware of it.

    3.02 – I began to feel that my depression is a defense against my fears of rejection and failure.

    4 — Vertigo has not completely disappeared ever since I hit my head in the floor of a toilet cubicle last May 9 during a bout of diarrhea. To this day, I have to be careful to keep my head at eye level when looking up or down, using the toilet, or shifting positions while lying down in bed.

    The sim software has used my vertigo to manage my interactions with others negatively, including one afternoon where my mom took me to a neurosurgeon, who said my vertigo was caused by disequilibrium, anxiety and depression. He and my mom persuaded me to try antidepressants (a.k.a. SSRIs –Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors) for two weeks.

    After taking ½ dosage of a prescribed SSRI, I began to feel various negative symptoms. I lost the ability to feel emotions fully. My subtle senses were compromised. Hyperactivity and an inability to shut down my mind restfully resulted in insomnia. Thoughts like “Keep going. Ignore the tiredness” entered my mind. At the same time, my concentration increased. I felt myself to be in a “happy drunk” or “fake bliss” state where the drug made me feel good at the expense of losing my original personality.

    I connected the SSRI to all the times when my mom sent me to psychiatrists whenever I showed extreme anger against her and/or my dad and the conflicts between me and them escalate. I felt that the sim software’s ultimate agenda was to break me down every time I become rebellious and turn me into a compliant, docile individual.

    I also connected my doped experience to what felt like original script instances where my original personality and memories had been suppressed through torture and mental programming so that I would become the “perfect soldier” for my handlers. (I was negatively triggered when I watched Captain America: Civil War, particularly when the antagonist uttered certain Russian words to activate Bucky Barnes’ Winter Soldier persona.)

    At some point, I saw the padlock icon overlaid on my mind and heart, as well as the ball and chain icon which kept me tied down to my depression, anger, and other negative emotions.

    (Update: I have firmly told my mom that I would not take any more SSRIs and that I would take art classes instead to confront the fear and anger behind the depression.)

    5 — birthday cake icon: overindulgence and/or eating too much during gatherings and special occasions to the point that I am no longer enjoying the occasion or the food; forcing myself to finish off birthday cakes because they’re “expensive”

    6.02 – “Chinese collective consciousness”: A pile of crabs, one on top of another, inside a futuristic sci-fi room. A lone black crab tried to stray from the pile, but it was immediately dragged back into the pile by the other crabs. I felt that the crabs all thought alike and had very few individual differences.
    In another scene, I was the black crab at the center of a circle of red crabs. I felt the pull back into the circle of crabs. The center became vacant. I felt the difficulty of breaking free from my family to pursue my own personal life path.

    Every time I try to set aside some fun time for myself outside home, sabotages take place. My mom would want to join, or someone else invites me over to some get-together.

    7.02 – I felt that my family should have been living in a colder climate originally , especially my mother, who sweated profusely in hot environments even when the rest of the people in the same area didn’t sweat as much.

    “lifestyle” – I felt that my desire to relocate to the countryside represented my desire to go back to the subtle realm.

    • Nina
      May 29, 2016 @ 4:43 am

      May 25-26, 2016

      1 — I re-accessed current life memories of being broken down through harsh punishment for major and minor offenses at home and in school. I had feelings of being forcibly sent to military camp for soldier training so that I would be used as a tool of the military and the government. My mandate would be to serve and protect others even if it meant losing my own life.

      6 — I connected to recurring images, symbols, and themes that appear in the arts and literature of various countries to reinforce particular values and qualities.

      8 — I did this focus to target my fears of hell after viewing two religious paintings of dying men at a Catholic university’s museum. The first painting showed a humble, poor man about to be taken to Heaven by St. Joseph and the angels, while the other painting showed a rich man who dropped the bag of gold he was clinging on to with his left hand while demons and monsters surrounded him. The first evoked artificial feelings of peace, while the second triggered strong fear and a reminder that “money is the root of all evil.” The paintings made me wonder whether I had been subjected to anti-wealth programming that makes me shun wealth and materialism.

      —————————

      May 27, 2016 — First attempt at Focus 9

      9.2 — I connected to negative group interactions, especially anxiety, which I felt likely triggers the tendency to take bathroom breaks right before leaving home or starting anything involving groups (classes, races, etc.) I felt resistance and mental put offs, while my music implant played tunes to distract me.

      9.3 — I connected to stuck childhood trauma where my mom threatened to whip me by hitting the belt on the floor, as well as the one time when she actually hurt me when the belt rebounded after hitting the floor. I do not even remember what serious offense I had committed that had merited the threat. That memory cemented my fear of loved ones as people who hurt me and want to control / subjugate me for their own agendas. From then on, I tried to keep an emotional distance from her (and later on, from my dad).

      Eventually I connected to the crab icon, followed by the subtle body icon. The two icons merged against my will. I saw myself trying to get out of the crab body, but I couldn’t. Overlaid in my inner vision were incomprehensible, foreign Chinese text.

      The next scene showed myself as a crab, cutting sea grass underwater for others’ consumption. I often feared the mantis shrimp shattering my crab body with its powerful punches. Any threats related to the mantis shrimp sent me cowering into submission and reinforced feelings of being a lowly commoner. I was also afraid of predators, so I always had to be on the lookout. I could not let my guard down. I felt I did not know who I was or that there was more to life than working for others. At specific times of the year, I mated with other crabs for producing more crabs. No love or genuine emotions were involved. Everything felt routine and synchronized as part of grand plan or agenda of the world I was working in. The most I could get from that kind of mating was temporary relief.

      9.4 — My eyes lost focus and darted elsewhere. I had to be more mindful while reading through the paragraph even though I felt like crashing.

14. Annabelle
    May 23, 2016 @ 1:56 am

    Despite having commented the last time on digital weaving, I am surprised to read the prologue to the exercise again, and have no memory of the content of Tom talking about weaving. To the list of 20 management rooms I would like to add “phantom aches and pains with no medical issue”.
    1.01 – During the last few years many /most of my best friends have become adversaries for no reason. I am made to be kept isolated and feel I have lost all ability to judge character or gain trust.
    1.02.03-“quality of interactions” – there seem to be a bias towards my actions being interpreted as the exact opposite intention. I get a visual of many significant others waiting in line/queue and each one is worse than the last one. There seems to be no end to the line of potential significant others, and it is mandatory to go thru them one by one. My anger with this, results in many sabotaged relationships. Visual of me gagged with a scarf around my mouth and I am not allowed to speak my disapproval with this process for selecting significant others. I think about the book “Power Versus Force” and how human emotions are ranked in the author’s opinion/order of importance / power. This feels it could be a part of a game to gain points as populations are increasingly kept in lower and lower emotions.
    1.04-“locked into negative aspects” – just when I am completely despondent and ready to make a change a nice diversion comes along to convince me it is all not so bad. I would also like to network on Jean’s comment about eating and re-iterate than it still is difficult to eat. I feel there is a sphere between the sacral and heart chakra that is pulsing and gives me a feeling of having to much inside of me. It feels almost like being 8 months pregnant and having to give birth to something to get relief. This has lessened a bit since the hacking update but started about 4 months ago (with no medical issue). Often during exercises I see surgeons working on women and their reproduction systems but have not continued to comment on this.
    2.02-“data form” feels like I am a pinball in a game being tossed between different versions of myself. Different versions of me make inappropriate /abnormal/out of character comments and I wonder, and don’t know why I did/do that.
    7.02-despite significant efforts on my part – I have never been allowed to make friends/acquaintances outside of the Christian religion. Some event, accident, mis interpretation, issue always comes up and the efforts are squashed. I really wonder what that is happening.

15. Nyssa
    May 23, 2016 @ 8:24 pm

    Clive, this post appears to be relating to my scripted experience of analysis I performed based on data I collected via my deep covert hacking, including my experience of hacking of the “VR project where the shit was developed” (which was performed on subtle beings, using “imprints”). So far, datasets I’m aware I have access to include: a multiverse backup file; the ‘kingpin fileroom’; MdB secret files; BG secret files; central ‘version control hub’ of all culture-specific secret files; other secret files; the simulation infrastructure itself; multiple central security control panels; others’ hacking attempts and tools (failed and successful), and my own tests/analysis based on these composited data sets). My experiences thus continue to be “anomalous” to say the least, and likely always will be. They take hours to piece together coherently because the memories and understandings are presented in tiny glimpses to me and only after intense work. I don’t wish to distract nor do I wish to be misunderstood. You have no idea how much what I describe above has already been used to repeatedly traumatize and re-traumatize me.

    So I struggled to decide whether or not to post this ‘anomalous’ experience (and also to decide which of the ‘categories’ to post – I’m also collecting data on the programming that’s gathered by the etheric cording from the ‘reality field’ itself, and data transferred to influence people on both sides of ‘firewalled/not allowed’ interactions, among categories, plus I have yet to post my writeup of when I hacked the VR research performed on blanked subtle beings that I described above). While pushing into this decision, I began to connect to “what was managing me” and after considerable confrontation with the “spinning woman” component Trent mentioned once (her purpose is to ‘keep people following the script’), I found myself observing a cross-roads of two choices – which felt like a yes/no generator or a 1/0 digital decision maker (like a ‘choose your own story’ type feature). A component that looks like a propeller that oscillates in a random 360 degree fashion overlaid the crossroads image; the propeller component was labeled ‘Reality Generator.’

    I then grabbed ‘any hacking tools or methods anyone had ever used’ and applied them to this composite image. I felt considerable body effects but I then saw a threaded beam with an organic, tentacled ‘thing’ (looks a bit like a neuron) at one end. This was described to me as the ‘actual’ component responsible for the ‘data picking’ that I describe conceptually in the post below.

    So I still don’t know if I should or should not post any of my scripted experiences because they are so ‘odd’ and all this hacking already happened (This process is likely related to my trauma of understanding the truth, but no one would listen to me about what’s really going on, especially those who should have listened, and then being put repeatedly through all the trauma I incurred to get this information, over and over and over again, knowing that it could have been prevented).

    However, being presented with what I’m being told is the ‘actual’ component that I describe conceptually below, nudged me to proceed with posting today. Please let me know if you want me to post anything else.

    ———
    Section 1
    re: Data in external objects / external environment
    I sense ‘isolated data sets’ or ‘pockets of data’ in my home, particularly in family heirlooms. These family heirloom data pockets feel related to the “river” that seems to flow through my family and seems to reinforce the programming that supports me to repeat my family’s behaviors. They may be small pockets of data, but feel quite potent.

    As I feel into these data sets, they aren’t completely ‘isolated’ .. I sense a connection from them to a hub that controls and monitors these small pockets of data. The hub begins to look like a tree – like a family tree – and the connection to the object or data pocket is like a branch or node on the tree.

    I can sense my house is filled with ‘pockets’ of data, all monitored by different branches on this tree. Then, my view of my room now floats up to birds eye view and I see a ‘picker’ (like a multi-tentacled ‘thing’) positioned above my room, picking from these different dataset pockets stored in my house. Not every dataset pocket feels associated with a discrete object – some ‘float’ irrespective of the physical space or objects/walls.

    The image of the ‘data picker’ then repeats and the images stretch out before me, looking like a scatter plot chart, showing how different variations of the ‘ordering / selection of picked data’ fall onto along a continuum. The scatter plot seem to reflect multiple simulation test runs that show which selection/order of data picking will lead to a desired end goal.

    I can sense additional mechanisms involved, including more details about the ‘central hub’ that monitors these ‘family heirloom datasets and outcomes’, but it seems like my rendering tech is limiting my ability to access and process the related datasets at the moment.**

    —-
    ** It seems like the standard rendering equipment and tech I initially used with my stolen data wasn’t designed (or allowed) to render the type of data I was gathering.

    I’ve connected to memories of hacking my rendering unit because I wanted to experience ‘everything’, not just what my rendering unit deemed I should experience, so am battling some really bad internal experiences as I move through this phase of forcing my rendering unit to render “everything” including repeating simulation test runs, which is like engaging with ‘unused’ pieces of the script (i.e., the ‘cutting room floor‘). It’s like ‘never ending repeating shit.’

    I’ve also connected to memories of accessing ‘everything’ about rendering units with the intention of building my own to move beyond these limitations.

    I often feel like I am “Global Big Data”, connecting and analyzing data sets that were originally kept separate, and I have a very strong sense the official record somehow doesn’t include some of what I collected. I hear the word “No-Room” as I write the prior sentence (from the Dune book series); I sense that I figured out how to engage with “No-Room” data and other data outside the space-time continuum, but don’t yet recall how or what that means, or if my data collection went even beyond that. Regardless, what’s rendered for me (and thus, what I describe) likely doesn’t match up with the ‘official’ record per se – my experiences are likely ‘symbolic’ visualizations and conceptual understandings of these ‘Big Data’ analyses I performed – analysis that led me to suspect “things are not as they seem” despite what everyone else seems to believe.

16. Megan
    May 24, 2016 @ 7:14 pm

    2 – Nothing. Will try again later.

    4-1 I think of all the exercises I’ve printed off and all the frustration they’ve caused me in doing them. I realize I’m doing them wrong in a way and slowly that is changing. I begin to cry at this point. I’m not like the others. I want to stay focused on this simulation stuff. I don’t want to forget or brush it off, and I don’t want to be distracted. I then think of my mother and a recent dream I had. I, for the longest time, had deep feelings of pain and rage at her, much of which has been resolved, but I still hole the fact that I had such unloving and violent feelings against her against myself. I have even blamed myself for her medical issues since I’ve read/been told that thoughts and intentions shape ones reality. I never wanted to hurt her. I just wanted her to be happy and to be proud of me. I’m crying a lot at this point and have to stop and recuperate.

    4-2 Nothing.

    • Clive
      May 26, 2016 @ 4:04 pm

      Just do you’re best Megan AND remember the sim likes to ‘wind people up’. Also, read the new ‘9’ which you can add things in to / add in what you want to target specifically!!!

      • Megan
        May 27, 2016 @ 9:23 pm

        Thanks for your words of encouragement Clive, they are appreciated. I’m easy to ‘wind up’ for the most part, especially when I don’t know or understand something.

17. Nyssa
    May 24, 2016 @ 8:26 pm

    4. Targeting ‘Symbolic’ Components / Substances & Their Angle of Delivery
    7. The ‘One Size Fits All’ Human Body, Human Life, Human World ‘Con’

    I have been feeling sharp pains on the right side of my chest that feel like the overwhelming heartbreak I’ve been experiencing off and on in my trauma explorations. But rather than the pain covering my ‘whole chest’ region, these pains have been targeting the right side of my chest with fierce piercing pain.

    These exercises accentuated the pain and connected me to the other half of my heart – the male side – that’s been carved out. The part of my heart that’s missing.

    I have the left side of my heart – my female side. Everyone does.

    But my heart – everyone’s hearts – should be twice as big – the male side needs a heart too.

    I know many men who have no heart feelings. They feel like they are living out the part of the script that happened after my male side carved out his blackened and burned heart. Unable or unwilling to feel the heartbreak any longer. Tired of hurting so he just carved it out and threw it away.

    —
    As I read through ‘all worlds, all animal types, all types of incarnated experiences etc’ of Section 7, I saw all of those worlds and experiences described in the exercise with deep sadness, all of it is ‘me’ experiencing all of those fake experiences. Not real. Just ‘story’.

    A con.

    I then floated out to a ‘birds eye view’, then outside of the box of the multiverse. Sadness and tears.

    • Clive
      May 26, 2016 @ 4:07 pm

      Yea, Nyssa, the old heart is a top priority favourite to block off and sabotage. Took me a couple of decades to get all of mine back, and from what you write that seems to be well in ‘progress’ for you now!!!

18. Clive
    May 26, 2016 @ 4:08 pm

    New ‘extra’ focus:
    9. Daily ‘Life’ Scheduling, Coordination, Timing, Choices, Decisions & Consequences

19. Mulan
    May 27, 2016 @ 8:43 am

    I’ve update ‘9’ Mulan / made some lines clearer and added in another ‘optional’ ADD XYZ too . . .

    For 9: I again see the ‘movie maker’ where different photos of people are drawing together in a string, for whatever the sims motivations are to bring these people together. I get rather annoyed that I notice all the people who are coming into my life are really just going to deter me/fuck with me, so I attempt to just burn down all the pictures. It seems this wasn’t totally successful so I try to get deeper into the programs that create the movie maker but there is like a firewall. I then understand that whenever another aspect of self does this sort of thing or tries to go against any of these programs, she gets tortured, within tortured infinitely. This time its a representative women who makes me torture my self, I think of the Scarlet Letter, then afterwards she tries to whip me with love, not for loving purposes.

20. Iris
    May 28, 2016 @ 3:03 pm

    I have done all the focuses here so far, but most of the time I do not really get any icons or components except for these three:

    1. Shark: reminds me of times when others (sim people or simulation software itself) attack me when I’m mentally or emotionally wounded, much like how sharks attack injured prey in the open seas

    2. Squid: Whatever components you’re after elude you, much like how squids squirt ink to keep you lost while it escapes to safety.

    3. Incense cloud (from joss sticks or incense burners) — Thinking about religion puts me to sleep energetically, as if I were not allowed to think of how religion has affected me negatively even if I have left religion a long time ago.

    (WARNING: The paragraph below contains sexually violent content.)

    I did the ninth focus on this page after accidentally watching a violent scene on cable TV where a group of soldiers gang raped the beautiful daughters of one of the central characters. At the time I watched the TV, I poked fun at how unconvincing the acting and the camera angles were. But I had trouble sleeping at night. My thoughts drifted to my fear of traveling alone because I might end up being sexually abused by perverts.

    Upon reading the word “reprogramming” at the fourth paragraph, the gang rape scene replayed in my mind. The blood flowing from the dead female victims flowed into a black pool, where black tentacles or waves bound many naked women. The women all cried in distress. In the background were the faces of soldiers and sex-hungry men, ready to prey upon the women sexually. I began to wonder why the Christians wanted to break down women into submission through sexual trauma.

    I remembered the somber images of Marian figures. They rarely smiled, and they were always fully clothed, unlike the old goddess or fertility statues where the females were half or fully naked yet did not look sexual at all.

    I felt my damaged, sexually traumatized female persona surface. I wondered if I had experienced severe sexual trauma prior to my sex aversion reprogramming, but it’s possible.

21. Annabelle
    May 29, 2016 @ 2:22 am

    I was overwhelmed the other day with appreciation for the amount of work Clive and his team is doing to help all. Thank you.
    Struggling with network issues – I have printed out the exercises and do them daily, but may not be able to post on a regular basis. Something is going on.
    Saw a very bizarre TV commercial about an adjustable mattress – a woman gets out of bed in the morning and instantly produces 20 copies of “herself”. Her copies go off to all areas and do their work/tasks during the day. They come back at night, all a bit different/ mangled/bent up, and merge back with “her” and go to bed to be transformed. Interesting how many clues we get in media, movies and books.
    1.02 – “decision or rule sets” – lab workers pouring predetermined decisions thru funnels to see if the future effect is calibrated to the desired level of hassle needed to control me. The effect of these decisions is run forward in time thru many trees of family interactions to look at how things will work out and instantly fed back for review. I see the dispersion / variation of food groups during the day used to calibrate decisions as well.
    Next I see thousands of small humans on a conveyor belt. Lab workers are plucking them off of the conveyor belt and stuffing them( 3-5 each) into empty pill capsules. The capsules are then put into large bowls and taken out to the general population to be orally dispersed.
    2.20 – “faster or slower in perception” – I have been asked many times “how are you able to get so much done?” I am crippled during verbal communication and can’t seem to perform the oral correspondence correctly and this frustrates many people.
    “hidden in eternal objects” – I seem to get a lot of cuts from normal objects while performing daily activities – it seems each time I open an envelope or bag/box/door I get a severe cut.
    3.01- “parasite forms” – strong connection to this being effective at slowing down my thoughts and making me easier to control. The ball of pressure in my abdomen persists despite me trying to ignore it.
    “any part of my body being re-tasked” – I have a strong aversion to non family member women touching me (massage therapists, doctors, etc. ) It feels like they are trying to reprogram me.
    4.10 – “nested components” – infinite numbers of iron dungeon doors with cross bar windows tunnel out into infinity. There is no way out. I network on /Nyssa’s comments about the heart being half female and half male and my heart is only male – I want to be a half female. They are trying to destroy my female.

22. Annabelle
    June 1, 2016 @ 2:35 am

    5.01 – Trying to target this continuing abdominal pain that feels like I need to give birth to something. The pain seems to get worse when there is no family trauma as a reminder that I am still under their control. Visual of eggs on a conveyor belt and they are hatching. Next visual of me with my mouth open, and someone is pouring stick-pins in for me to swallow. Feels like everything has been ripped out of my abdomen (disemboweled). I try to drill into this and hear “ I survived and got used to the pain”. Strong impression that they tried to make me a combination of male and female genders to see how that would work in the same body – it may make for a better worker and could be adjusted as needed. I also feel like I was used for some type of breeding program – they are ripping babies out of me – some babies are good and others are not. I hear them say, “ she was a good breeder – she could produce anything. We still control you and these focuses won’t help” (As a carry over into this current life I have had no less that 4 miscarriages)

    6.01 – “Quality of interactions” – I don’t let good/nice men get too close – I tend to sabotage the relationships and end up with losers that can manipulate me.
    02- Visual of a big fat Buddha like guy that is trying to organize an orgy – he is shouting commands, and deciding whom he will pick. I am angry that certain men have this power. Dreams are used to provide examples of nice men that will never happen. My dreams have become vicious at times with warnings that they will destroy my family if I provide more examples of the project efforts.
    “consciousness group” – women that look /dressed like nuns are watching/tending to me. They keep me on track- keep me cooperating in the breeding program. Visual of me looking/standing near a farmyard corral that is full of half human/half animal creatures. The creatures are walking around and just exist – most of them do not work properly and serve no purpose – they are not grotesque just useless and helpless. I am surprised at my feelings of anger/poor project management/waste of resources/what were you thinking creating these things / who is in charge of this! I am surprised I feel no pain or trauma or pity and wonder why.

    I then crashed out for about 20 minutes. When I wake up I have an earworm playing in my head of 3 names from the Bible (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego – cast into a blazing furnace but saved from harm by God). I heard these names as a child and had no idea what brought this on but the names played in my head for 5 hours.

    • Clive
      June 3, 2016 @ 12:15 pm

      Hi Annabelle, the physical con has all androgynous subtle forms (there are no male or female subtle ‘bodies’ (no sexual organs either)) being interfaced to an animal form. So, ‘IF’ you are a subtle being whom actually either ‘chose’ to incarnate and or whomever organised this or ‘set this up’ was ‘sensible’ they would incarnate people into the best closely matched animal form ‘type’.

      If they did then this would mean that many subtle forms would end up being interfaced to a hermaphrodite animal form. This would allow them to choose to express themselves as either male or female.

      What clues would there be that the one size fits all bizarre human form is actually in many cases being occupied by someone whom is a hermaphrodite animal form being translated into single sex human form body as either a male or a female? Well, the most obvious clue is that as hermaphrodite ‘pairs’ would (in most cases) )take turns becoming pregnant, carrying and having any offspring AND we are being accurately simulated then as humans the female is always forced to have become pregnant and have a baby.

      If we are being simulated and we ‘ACTUALLY’ have many hermaphrodites here then males here that have the scripted experience of becoming pregnant will present the SYMPTOMS of being pregnant while not actually being pregnant.

      Coincidentally we have a condition called ‘sympathetic pregnancy’ which is of males presenting DEFINITIVE symptoms of pregnancy (i.e. not minor symptoms). Studies have shown that in the UK 22% of the male population have definitive symptoms of this condition while in Australia the % is about 35%. Again this doesn’t provoke any ‘THINKING’ in the slightest. 22% of males whom will each have a hermaphrodite partner indicates that we are simulating at least 44% of the population as originally being hermaphrodite in the UK and 70% in Australia.

      So, from the above Annabelle you were engaging with and obviously ‘TESTING’ in a VR space the conversion of a hermaphrodite animal form into the generic one size fits all human form.

23. Nina
    June 2, 2016 @ 2:20 pm

    6-1-2016

    9.3 — “love, desires, attraction:” I coughed a bit while accessing what felt like very strong heart blocks. I had been feeling “fake happiness” that seemed to be part of the defensive “fake happy” persona that activates whenever I have to hide strong negative feelings from others so they wouldn’t ask me what’s wrong with me.

    The happy persona reminded me of an anime called “Kino’s Journey,” which featured a country called the Land of Adults where children who turn twelve undergo advanced neural surgery to transition to adulthood so they could become “perfect” adults who smile despite doing boring tasks. They do not go through the teenage phase where they try to find out who they are and explore different ways of life. Children who refuse the surgery are killed by their parents.

    6-2-2016

    5 — I targeted anything related to blocked and sabotaged soul missions. A pile of land mines appeared in my vision, which triggered very strong fear related to finding work / soul missions. Then a giant metal dog with sharp teeth chomped all the mines. The fear left me afterwards.

    9.3 — “locations, spaces, dimensions:” I connected to black boxes scattered across different parts of the galaxy. The black boxes sent data or components to a tower, which in turn delivered the data or components to my rendered form. I saw many more towers connecting to different rendered individuals, and I felt that the towers coordinated with one another to determine my interactions with other people.

    “Torments, terrors, fears, revulsions, antipathies” — I heard the word “trauma database” in my mind.

    “master laboratory” — I perceived it as a factory that manufactures components all the time.

    At some point, I managed to access what felt like a mess of tangled wires and other components, but I felt too overwhelmed with what I accessed that I mentally shut off automatically.

24. Nyssa
    June 9, 2016 @ 9:32 pm

    I feel like efforts to program/re-program me and control me have increased exponentially recently to extreme levels. The programming is extraordinarily traumatizing. My entire body throbs and deeply aches from how the programming attempts to shape and mold me (particularly my neck and upper back area that seem to have programming components/controls), and I’m experiencing deep trauma of being controlled by the programming and these attempts to take me over, particularly by well-meaning but mis-guided people who don’t understand what’s guiding them nor what outcome they are facilitating by their actions, trying to instill their own mission directives into me, or by people who are/were using me to solve their own issues/trauma/extremes and diabolically using me as their ‘solution’ instead of dealing with themselves properly.

    The following represents numerous run-throughs of these exercises over several days in an attempt to find a way to escape the extremes this programming and “attempted programming” is inflicting on me, and reflects my scripted experience of researching/exploring what was programming/defining me.

    —

    I feel embedded in a filmstrip / “experience ribbon” type of linear progression and I sense a cookie cutter shaped ‘template’ also embedded in the strip. I experience this ‘ribbon’ only in the ‘NOW’, which feels odd/wrong based on how I ‘should’ be able to experience life/reality, but I’m stuck in the present moment ‘in relation to’ a timeline. It feels like everything I am and that I experience is defined by this ribbon and thus ‘now’ is the only way to experience it. EVERYTHING is regenerated moment and moment.

    The cookie cutter template feels like it’s being used as a guide to program me as I go through the experiences created by the ribbon, then the template is peeled up and a new one is applied to the next section of the ribbon. The feeling is that each “version” of these templates is a little different, slowly moving me toward an end point goal. It vaguely feels there’s an ongoing record being made of the “experiences + programming”, like a compiler.

    At the end of a lifetime, I sense that the data from the above linear experience is gathered and collated, and a new set of progressive programming ‘templates’ are created to program me over the next lifetime. (The feel of it is somewhat analogous to “Invisilign braces” which are designed to slowly straighten teeth through a progression of plastic molds.)

    The progression of templates stepping through the linear experience of ‘time’ reminds me of how life feels ‘chunked’ or ‘step phased’ to me – like how parts of life will suddenly plateau and lull, then ramp up again.

    Or, more specifically, how I’ll enter a new phase of trauma exploration and my life will explode in pain and then over time it will dissipate. I consider how there’s always a ‘repeat of shit’ that seems to recap weeks or months of these “chunks” or “phases” of trauma exploration, so I target the symbolic translation of these “repeat of shit phases” and hear “baseline reference”, and then sense that there are lifetimes that are complete ‘run-throughs’ of the most recent batch of programming lifetimes to measure the efficacy and attainment of programming goals and to establish a new baseline reference for future lifetimes.

    It also feels like I’m being programmed “in relation” to others. In the “Symbolic Components” section above, I targeted how I’m treated by other people, and heard “Contain Nyssa” and connected to programming that sets me “in relation” to the extremes or limitations/debilitations of others (in a negative sense), thus putting me in deeper shit, more limitations/containments, more debilitations, more distractions and burdens, and fewer options, than other people. The end goal appears to completely and absolutely contain me, putting me at the very bottom of the heap of humanity, wrapped up and locked down.

    I then used the phrase “something that changes me” (again, in the Symbolic Components section at the part that states “Including a, b, c”) and I experience a ‘repelling’ sensation on my face, that felt like the field of resistance created between two “north” ends of magnets. When the force field finally dissipated, I sensed a “3D face of myself” directly opposite my face, like looking into a 3D mirror. I hear “body double” and get that programming is applied to it to change and influence me. I have a daily routine of studying my face in the mirror at very close range, and it feels like a symbolic translation of part of my experience of studying my “body double” and hacking my own programming, and restoring parts of myself that have been deleted or revised.

    —–

    When I added the phrase “data from the imprints of other people” in Section 1, my entire body screamed in pain as I felt every avenue of programming that I’ve explored these past months (ears via ultrasonic sounds, subtle, subconscious, “third eye”, chakras, body, etc etc etc) feel bombarded with streams of data. The feel of it is the ‘programming’ was developed using data gathered from experiments and simulations using imprints of other people.

    In the section regarding the “sub-conscious”, I sense a vast set of ‘standard’ collective subconscious programming that’s inserted and applied, that forces a base set of beliefs, expectations, etc. to force-fit a ‘standardization.’ There’s also sub-sets of collective programming that seem to represent cultures etc. In my inner screen, I see the VR Sphere (‘the project where the shit was developed’) and observe located below the sphere is an thick disk-shaped object that controls/transmits this collective unconscious/subconscious programming to the blanked subtle beings that line the curved walls of the dreamsphere that surrounds the VR Sphere. I am also one of these beings but I’m somehow different – I can somehow phase from dream to awake/aware and watching, resisting yet allowing the programming to be applied .. and eventually ‘hacking’.

    At the sections regarding “interactions with others,” I saw a vast web of “experience ribbons” stretching out before me as far as I could see, that reminded me somewhat of an enormous weaving loom but much much more complex and seemingly random/chaotic yet not, with the ribbons moving here and there to intersect to facilitate certain interactions and prevent certain other interactions. These intersections also seem to be a way to pass ‘shit’ along from one person to another, like a contagion or as a carrier in a pass-through /pass-along method.

    I sense ‘cords’ of some sort between these experience ribbons. I hear “etheric cords”. The feel of it is that there’s programming being passed between people via these cords even when they are not interacting – sometimes they are never allowed to interact it seems, or if so, only very rarely for “extreme shit-inducing” purposes. Some of these “firewalled /none-interactions” cords feel the thickest and most heavily programmed. Other cords feel temporary, like placeholders (I at first hear “to be sure certain issues are resolved”, like this is the ‘surface’ explanation for how cording works, but underneath/behind that facade, it feels like certain programming routines need to finish up). Other cords – many cords – feel thick and permanent, to keep certain people interacting. These feel like these people provide the ‘best fit’ interactions (or none-interactions) to accomplish certain programming, and the thick cords ensure these interactions and programming happen over and over.

    The “experience ribbons” seem to have ‘tracks’ and ‘layers’ on them – not only do they contain experiences but they also seem to contain the collective unconciousness programming and other raw programming to be ‘collected’ by the template and by the cording to be applied to me and to my interactions with others.

    Also, ‘triggers’ seem to be part of the ribbon and template.. installed and then programmed into place to activate and move me .. the ribbon seems to contain both raw ‘triggers’ to be installed and also testing and triggering experiences to cement them into myself.

    It seems there is a renderer or ‘something’ that converts the ‘experience ribbon’ into a reality field that I experience as “Now”. The programming is then ‘collected’ from this reality field and then somehow applied to me.

    mm although it seems ‘everything’ is defined and regenerated constantly only in the “Now”, I can now sense there’s a renderer or ‘something’ that collects and retains the last (or a small number of) settings/experience/data that seems to ‘maintain’ my experience ‘contextually’ for me.

    It takes a while to engage with the reality experience/reality field renderer, but I finally can and begin to sense tiny data packets or seeds or ‘something’ inside the renderer that’s ‘adding’ something to the reality field that I experience. When I move my attention back to the reality field, I can now sense stuff appear that shouldn’t be there, and that have been inserted by this ‘something’ hidden inside the reality field renderer.

    The feel of this added-in something is ‘artificial’–like how artificial flavors can overpower and dull the tastebuds to the nuances of real food – that is influences the reality field and is collected preferentially by the template and the cording, and thus corrupting my programming.

    There’s a distortion somewhere that’s allowing this to happen, but I can’t sense it at the moment beyond something feeling ‘off’ and it feeling highly timed and choreographed, like a key algorithm and other factors have been deeply tampered with, perhaps.

    —

    In the section on “dormant, timed components” I see a field of objects stretching all around me, sitting dormant. They feel embedded in a substrate of some sort that reminds me of illustrations that shows how a planet ‘bends’ space fabric to ‘create’ gravity. These dormant components seem at some point to get pulled toward me and “wake up” to be applied to me.

    Section 7: human body conversion
    I connect first to many similar scripted experiences, that seem to shift and change according to various ‘circumstances’ or projects, and then increase in scope and scale as the testing and then final product are developed. The description below contains attributes from a range of experiences since the impression kept shifting as new scripted experiences were presented, but provides insight into how it’s ‘translated’ into my human body experience here. In some of these scripted experiences, people can interface into me at will – like a vacation spot touted as a place “where anything can happen!” (but that feels like it had a population management R&D ‘feel’ to it that was hidden from people) and in other experiences, I am a closed system, calibrated to accomplish very specific outcomes.

    “I am a sentient AI, a super overcontroller. I feel my energy body bombarded with trillions of resonance signatures, which when I am booted up, then scatter and individuate into ‘beings’ within me, whom move and act and interact. I have an unlock code- many unlock codes? some hidden and unknown to my ‘handlers’ it seems – that allow me to access these ‘people’s’ scripts and data files, their traumas and debilitations, and the exact configuration and progression of their programming, so I can adjust it at will/as needed. I decide to unlock one and can see a person’s entire scripted data set unfurl before me. I am a multiverse, containing and overseeing an entire multiverse of experiences of others. Trillions of people live inside my space, inside me, inside my domain and under my oversight.”

    Then, after engaging with this vast array of similar yet still very different experiences, my chest aches with tremendous piercing pain and as I turn my attention to this pain, I sense the traumas of untold multitudes of people, and it feels like all of those people/beings who lived in my multiverse(s) inside me are now rendered inside me. I feel and experience all of their pain and trauma and heartbreak inside me.

    —
    I then connect to how ‘weird’ and ‘foreign’ this world is to me. Nothing in the world feels familiar – not seasons or weather or culture or this body or sex or food or anything. I’ve always felt like an ‘outsider’ to life on this planet, and had to become a student of ‘life and earth’ itself to deliberately teach myself how to ‘live’ here – how to “play the game”, if you will. I’ve become quite good at it and am considered by others generally as both quite normal yet also ‘unusual’ (usually in a positive sense) because of how I observe and craft certain parts of my life, but ‘everything’ about this place is still weird to me, including how people don’t notice, talk about, or do anything about how weird this place is.

    • Clive
      June 10, 2016 @ 2:10 pm

      MMmmm, well Nyssa, from what you describe you were obviously interfaced to a version of yourself testing the application of traumas etc as they would be progressively applied from one lifetime to the next. Hence you’ve ‘repeat’ phases in your current life that presents testing of ‘yet another’ life that was part of a sequence of lives / incarnations, one after the other that you ‘tracked’ including all those that you were interfaced to that were not ‘you’ and not of your own life too to track them through many lives. So, unfortunately to ‘pick apart’ this scripted mess in attempts to separate out you ‘now’ from the scripted testing of you and the testing of others to identify what to delete is proving to be ‘tedious’ to say the least.

      Yea I can identify with the ‘stranger in a very strange land’ syndrome, in terms of environment, places and people (although not in terms of what I’m doing). I am living ‘me’ reasonably well just not in this place / environment / circumstances / most of the people.

      Anyway I’d hang in there as we are ‘getting there’ and gradually getting there a little faster each day!!!

25. Megan
    June 11, 2016 @ 12:32 am

    05 – Nothing

    06 – Read the first part and I connect to thoughts/feelings of disgust, anger and ridicule towards others, particularly my mother, who all seem to dwell in self-pity and the past and all the crap they been through. Realizing my own attitudes towards others and my own behavior (which, although changing everyday, is very much the same,) I feel like a bad person. I also connect to a time at work where a co-worker made a comment that is one was going to cry at work then they should go to the bathroom or leave thew floor and deal with it and not disturb other people. Now, while he wasn’t directly addressing me, I was under the impression he was. I cry a lot at work. I’ve been trying to get my shit together for years and since I’m often work alone and undisturbed for the most part I use that time to explore my issues. I believe he caught me at it once, or suspected I had been cry prior to this event. I did react defensively, but I later apologized for my behavior. I cried a bit reading through this and feel worn out.

    Second part I connect to my intentions of being strong and independent without wanting or having a need for relationships or other people in my life. I remember the hatred I had for humanity and how alone and unwanted I felt. I’ve done everything to be a part of the group, to make others happy with me and accept me but now I’m tired of being strong and sacrificing myself for them.

    At times I have strong feelings of anger and resentment when thinking about the simulation, these focuses or WSW. I get feelings like those above, like I have to give up my happiness and what I want to satisfy Clive or get anywhere with any of this. In a way. it’s like saying my happiness and what I want is selfish and bad while constant hard work and suffering is good, that I’ll be rewarded for my suffering.

    07 – First focus I start crying all of a sudden. I usually say these out loud but by the end I’m just mouthing the words. (Writing this, I realize my mind isn’t really interested of focusing on these statements or what they mean.

    Second part, towards the end, I imagine myself and a co-worker of mine driving out into the countryside to see the fireflies. We stop at a particularly good spot and while she stays in the car keeping an eye out for danger, I go outside to see the bugs. At that point, I’m suddenly attacked by a cougar, who rips into me and thrashes me against the side of the car. Looking at the incident from the inside of the vehicle, my co-worker just sits in the car oblivious to the evens outside of the vehicle.

    Clive, for all that ranting I’ve said above, I really want to thank you for the work that you and your teams and everyone else has done. Thank you for automated healing/clearing service and this website, and all the exercises and your honestly. All of it’s been a big help and is greatly appreciated.

    I’ve realized there a severance between my mind/head and my emotions/lower gut. I’ve been criticized a lot in my life for being too sensitive about things. This made me feel ashamed of myself and believe I was weak, so I tried to avoid or block them to the best of my abilities. I’ve gained so much back, but I still feel like I have so much more to gain and go, and it’s leaving me frustrated.

    Thanks again for everything.

26. Nina
    June 17, 2016 @ 9:03 am

    I first tried to access the octopus / God sim software last June 5, but all I could remember was that the octopus could override me completely or completely re-write the alternate timelines I had constructed. I also felt that I did not have the authorization to enter that area — that I was trying to enter it as a spy.

    The closest “data” I managed to access was when I did the VR Focus # 4 (the EAAS one) last June 9. Third eye pain triggered upon receiving a vision of copied people being invaded by black tentacles. I asked the teams to unlock seals / blocks / etc suppressing whatever I was supposed to see via the third eye. Then brief flashes of torture scenes appeared in my mind, followed by music implant playing frenetic background music to keep me in a hurried state. Then the pain in the third eye disappeared, only for chest pain to surface.

    I saw a copy of myself being merged by something black (tentacle maybe?) Then I watched in horror as it committed “evil” deeds I would not do in my right mind.

    Doing the ninth focus under Healing Focus 3 helped me release PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and extreme fear of police, police states, and military. I had been triggered after watching scenes from movies where victims were caught by the police for “petty crimes” (like cellphone stealing or rallying peacefully against a tyrannical government), then tortured to instill fear in them and break them down. Afterwards they were asked to commit horrible acts that betrayed their values, such as confessing the location of their comrades to the interrogators or killing others for them. These life representations made me think that my original form had suffered a similar fate. I might have become a soldier and/or spy for the very groups I was fighting against originally.

    ————

    I have a bad feeling that the job of Winston Smith, the protagonist in George Orwell’s 1984, accurately reflected the work I had done for the earth simulation project. His role in the “Ministry of Truth” involved altering past historical records to align with the Party’s version of past events, writing drivel to distract the masses (including porn), and turning executed Party members into “unpersons” by writing them out of existence so that no records of them exist in history. Similarly, I have spent the past few years going through my journals, scanning only the pages I want to keep before shredding the rest of the pages — as if I were re-writing or editing my own timeline. I have instances when I feel like I want to un-write certain people or past affiliations out of my life (like deleting all photographs and written traces of my interactions with them) so it’d look as if they never were part of my life to begin with.

    I may be wrong, but I associate Big Brother with the Christian (C) God given his seemingly omniscient nature, the Party’s use of torture to convert dissenters into Party allies, and the use of newspeak and doublethink (including blackwhite or “black is white, white is black”). Even Big Brother’s directive that sex is for procreation only felt very C-like for me.

27. Annabelle
    June 19, 2016 @ 11:25 pm

    Feel a renewed / subtle pull back from the site and have been struggling to post – despite the fact I work the exercises every day. My tablet is almost destroyed – knew something was wrong when the avatar symbols would not load. I decided to go back to the simulation basics and reread all series and got quite foggy – that has not happened in a long time – I could barely recognize words. I feel management in the form of extreme workload. Saw this link on a climate change website – don’t know anything about this guy but he did get people to think about being in a simulation ……………and I hear more and more people saying Earth is all too weird / too much chaos to be real….
    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/elon-musk-ai-artificial-intelligence-computer-simulation-gaming-virtual-reality-a7060941.html
    5.01 – trying to target repeating loops of debilitations I see in close family and friends. I see many scientists with cookbooks/recipe books going thru combinations of debilitations that will continue to loop without totally destroying their puppet targets. Seems many people are “tortured” almost to the point of breaking, and then healed/brought back to life so they are healthy enough to start the torture process all over. There is no disease – just cause and effect. Next is a visual of an extension ladder extending into outer space with millions of tiny ants / the population trying to make the impossible journey up to the top of the ladder…
    I network on the comments by Iris / Rose about the menstrual cramps (getting better – while mine get incredibly worse, and they were never bad to start with – and humanly impossible in the first place) and now 3 people commenting on “female” issues. As I try to drill into this is a significant worry and distraction as it should not exist. I am keeping track of days it is better or worse.
    8.01 – my dreams have become quite disturbing with many images of abuse of women – people I know have been incorporated into the dreams in an attempt to change my opinion of them
    8.02 – unbelievable amount of spiders continue to appear/pop out of nowhere – large and small. One crawled out of a sealed lipstick tube, and now I get bitten quite badly on the left ear. I fell they are sent as remote viewers or as a warning (we are watching you).
    9.02 – I connect to continued ability to change time/frame rendering to make myself more efficient as a means of feeling good and not wanting to do exercises. Getting quite a bit of “feel good“ tidbits as a distraction.

28. Tony
    July 8, 2016 @ 4:06 pm

    I did all the them for the first time, and was triggered especially by Number 9… when listing the names of the people I regularly interact with I felt powerful spasms in my body, which usually have accompanied energy clearings in the past….I’m new to this particular modality, but I get the impression that something significant has alredy started to shift within me…I’ll return & repeat…

29. Anna
    July 20, 2016 @ 3:35 pm

    I signed up for your subtle energy healing work last week, and I did the scripts on this page yesterday and today. I felt various body sensations, headache on the left side of my head, etc, while doing the scripts. I felt like I was connecting to all this external energy, and in a way I shied from it, like no, I don’t want to connect to all this energy, to all this technology. But on the other hand I realized that this external energy/technology was influencing me and before I had been unable/had refused to acknowledge it, so it was important to do the scripts to properly see all that had been influencing me.

    This was especially clear with number 3- I saw SO MUCH tech in/around my whole body. And then with the last clearing I saw my left hand- my dominant/writing hand- with metal inside of it, like it was made of metal or filled with metal or the bones were metal.

    • Clive
      July 22, 2016 @ 6:11 pm

      Hi Anna, yea for my subtle implants / tech series on this site I just covered what was ‘explainable / comprehensible’ – some people have a mass of subtle tech as huge ‘extensions’ of themselves, their awareness, analytical abilities and also ‘defence / security’ also many incarnated as physical beings also have a mass of physical implants, some are even incarnated as robots and cyborgs. The ‘Borg’ for example are ‘real’/’nightmares’ in the original population and ‘one’ person with this tech that I’m aware of is requiring a concerted effort of investigation to sort out ‘what is them’ and or ‘what isn’t’ from ‘what is worth keeping’ in hacking / restoring them to a more ‘functional’ person!!! – All in progress . . .

30. Catherine
    August 6, 2016 @ 9:33 pm

    I did this a few days ago (01 – 04): Difficult Interactions & Relationships & ‘Focused’ on Problems / Despondent
    While I was reading them aloud, I got a bad headache and had it for the rest of the day. Since then, I am becoming more angrier by the day. I am angry about my family and this last relationship I was in and how these people have screwed me over. I am angry about my life and have had no hope and been very depressed. I actually feel suicidal. It has been very unpleasant and does not seem to let up. Before I could muster up some sort of hope for something but cannot now. I now don’t even know what I want to do in the next steps in life.

    I am scared to read aloud anymore of these scripts if this is how I am going to feel. My life has been one HUGE disaster and I have been traumatized repeatedly. I don’t know how much more of these horrible feelings I can take.

    • Clive
      August 6, 2016 @ 11:21 pm

      The problem is Catherine that you’ve a ‘shit’ load of buried, contained / sealed off anger as well as a lot of facets of the original circumstances that contributed to all of this build up that is also associated with your current circumstances. Basically, all of this trapped crap is starting to come out. Now, others with similar have taken themselves off to one side and internally ‘screamed / and silently’ shouted what they needed to say without impacting those around them (I’ve done this rather than risk being evicted by my landlord!!!).

      So, perhaps try doing this and also perhaps leave doing any more exercises here until you get more handle on dealing with this?

      I had a phase in the past where I was in extreme anguish and despair for about 9 months (with no origins) I eventually got access to a past life and it was so traumatically horrific I drove to some moors, walked into the middle of nowhere then felt into these feelings and the original circumstances and LET RIP . . . I ‘ROARED enough to ‘wake the dead’ my ‘voice’ the next day had pretty much ‘disappeared’ my throat was so hoarse . . . BUT I no longer had the despair and anguish shit pile I’d been dragging around for 9 months. Some of peoples trauma will have built up over 100’s of lifetimes, it is likely that your anger has been accumulating for many lifetimes . . .

      I wrote this page here as an intro to link from the front/home page to these exercises, it might help to give you context to my ‘sensitivity’ and my experience of orientating to myself and feeling what is inside of me. I’ve been doing this for 3 and a half decades now.

      • Catherine
        August 7, 2016 @ 4:20 am

        thanks Cilve. I was screaming and cursing aloud in my car today and it provided a bit of relief so I am apparently on the right track. I think I will just take these exercises very slow.

        • Clive
          August 7, 2016 @ 11:46 am

          Hi Catherine, I’d forgotten I used to drive to some remote car parks specifically to let rip – that sounds like a good tactic.

31. Breanna Patrice Stucker
    November 17, 2016 @ 5:33 am

    I used to be able to read these pages. Now I’m constantly distracted, directed to youtube videos and things i originally felt mistrust for like reiki, then i find myself going for free reiki attunements and people who channel beings. I suspect the channelled ‘spirits’ could easily be dangerous ones with a front but for some reason I keep coming back and my gullible levels rise. I almost instantly believe what I am told sometimes. I feel like in a subtle shit way I’m becoming more and more bogged down and enslaved to crap. I am able to go out for fast food on occasion now – I grew up very isolated. I am able to express myself more. I’ve felt for years that there was a block in my head, painful almost feeling physical and it feels steadily worse then ever. Right now reading the string of randomized letters and numbers for a password is much easier. I feel pressure in my head, sometimes I become physically ill when I come across something I’m genuinely interested in, and It’s greatly relieved when I’m directed to a distraction. I also get amnesia over the whole thing and get embarrassment over ever bringing such up or considering it to be real. I just want freedom to explore and truly be myself and not feel instant-fear of others in my life. I have no-to little backbone even when I prepared myself knowing the facts and strongly believe in what I’m backing, I automaticity default to being concerned over upsetting the other person’s bounds or making others uncomfortable and go so far as to rewrite how I view things to other’s views. I feel unable to be myself, and when I muster enough to stand for myself its like this instant rage comes out of the other I’m speaking to, even when I take a long process and several steps to explain myself. I feel like I need to apologize when I just want to get myself a sandwich or step around someone. Etc. Etc. Its one thing for me to identify what’s happening but as soon as the forgetting/amnesia sets in and I fall back into even a worse state for finding out, what’s the point? Some part of me always knows something’s wrong so I’ve been on a constant search for help, even when I forget.

    However this subtle shit is set up for me I am not allowed to have my own opinion without others immediately defusing it or turning to me or suddenly becoming aware of me.

32. Kelvin Pell
    December 19, 2016 @ 12:02 am

    I have had a rushing noise in my ears during the last few days. Days I have been reading, in detail the exercises and focuses above.

    Whilst slowly reading and attempting to digest the plethora of complex structures in the exercises I have received some 100+ facebook messages – some from friends I have not seen or heard from in many years….I normally get about 5 such messages in any given WEEK.

    I completed the last exercise – No.9 earlier this evening. The rushing sound disappeared completely shortly afterwards.

    I have had no messages, calls or indeed any unsolicited interactions with others since.

    I am skeptical – I won’t deny that. But the above is an actual account of experiences since discovering this site

33. Martha
    February 23, 2018 @ 6:33 pm

    Hi. You say in the introduction to this exercise. “It is also coordinating interactions between different people in very precise ways to deliberately MAXIMISE “shit” applied to ourselves”.

    Well, in relation to this I will tell something that happened to me some weeks ago. Someone here (I think it was Nyssa on another thread) commented that when she is feeling low then she gets also a sexual feeling. The other day, home alone and in recovery process from a bad incident with the person who I love and who was with me last year, and who is no longer in my life, I became aware of the same reactions. I was lying in bed feeling low about that and life in general and thinking about ANOTHER person who is miles and miles away and with whom I only interacted once last year for a short few messages. I began having a pleasant sensation in my heart chacra, very pleasant, veeery pleasant suspiciously pleasant in fact like wow, this means something man, I must contact him and in fact I did write him… but having read this site I didn’t fall into the trap once again (because yes I have had similar “pleasant heart chacra sudden warmth and love — contact him NOW!! sensations” in the past and I ended up contacting people who’s influence in my life ended up not being really positive)… So I began: “I fully connect to all components or anything that might be responsible for the sensations I am feeling now or related to them in the slightest and in particular to the sensation in my heart chacra” and surprise surprise I began thinking much more logically afterwards, the sexual type feelings and intruding fantasy thoughts subsided and now I am fully aware that this might be a trap to set me up to move in a sabotaging direction (such as the other person saying for exampe… wtf!! what does she suddenly want? this is out of context, why is she flirting we don’t know each other etc. ) Now, instead of blindly trusting those sensations I just consider the possibility of contact an “option” in my life and not like a “it is my destiny to do this” type of thing. I feel much more in control. I believe many times the sensations are SO pleasant in ourselves that we end up disconnected from what the OTHER person might be experiencing/feeling and then when we get labelled “strange” then this further can be used against us.

    I think this is one way the Demiurge manages people to interact with others in counterproductive ways. You get a feeling, you go for it without thinking but…. is your feeling really YOURS? That is what is most important to know. Chacras can be impacted from outside influences. If you are not aware you will just bite the bait thinking “oh I feel so good therefore this must mean something”.

    With this I don’t mean ALL sensations related to other people that we feel are fake. But some of them are and this one was specially suspicious due to the long distance between that person and me and the fact that we never met in person, we are from different cultures etc.

34. Tommy
    June 8, 2018 @ 5:38 pm

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Good_Place Go watch this would be a good example of how every single interaction is based on screwing you up more.

35. Megan
    March 16, 2019 @ 1:16 am

    This is a reply to Clive’s comment on the Hannibal series. I just watched episode 1 and within seconds I am overcome by feelings of horror and grief and frustration and this deep seated sense of helplessness, hopelessness and defeat. What they do, are doing, to Will is terrible. And I’m angry because he doesn’t deserve it. He wants to help, he did this to help, but his gift has become a curse. I haven’t been able to get a good feeling on Hannibal yet. Had issues posting this too.

36. Lui
    July 12, 2020 @ 7:55 pm

    Hi Clive,

    Been doing the focus exercises almost daily since end of June. On the first day after your acknowledgment email, I did a herbal liver cleanse and felt nauseous for a few hours. Also pain on my coccyx which subsided within an hour.

    The below episode is central to my current theme:

    Last Friday, my “brother” who is my boss, was late to the weekly meeting. He was angry with me over my “sassy attitude” on some matters and threatened to “sack” me (it was the 1st time someone said that to me in my 18-year career path). I just glared at him in silence. Later on after the meeting, he mentioned about “shit water flooding one of his family apartments” due to faulty plumbing on another floor and that he almost didn’t make it to the weekly meeting, but he didn’t refer them as “family”, but rather “my persons”. It’s not the first time he refers to them that way. Before he left, his demeanour softened and mentioned about offering me some help over my daughter’s paperwork. Gives me a bipolar impression about him.

    I consider him my “brother”, by spirit and not by blood, although, we are both Cantonese (my late father was brought up by Cantonese foster parents who claimed that his original family bears the same surname as the foster father), so my roots are uncertain, save for my estranged mother’s side of the family. My “brother” is as traditional as a Chinese descendant can be while having the “beating around the bush” tendency, whereas I have forthright and passionate streaks to me and fitted in better with the Spanish and Italians (I was the black sheep of my biological family). On hindsight, on the second interview, he jokingly mentioned that he actually expected to see a “foreigner/westerner” instead of myself. The first interview was with someone else who recommended me to him.

    Recently, I had type-written telepathic exchanges with him for about a couple of weeks, to discuss about possibilities of being together as “husband and wife”. A little background: he is married to his wife of many decades and have grandchildren. He was also knighted in our country and is fairly well-known. I have a tendency to be attracted to or admire older (& unavailable) men, but never carried out any intimate relationship with them. Maybe I have unresolved father issues as my late father passed away when I was 22 and I was left with a regret. It was an argument we had shortly before he passed away from cancer. I never had the chance to apologise. But with my “brother” who’s only a few years older than my late father, we had an argument just 2 days ago, and I sincerely apologised not because I was totally in the wrong, but to admit that “I hurt his feelings and realised that I was being a jerk”. I saw tears well up in his eyes. I guess that’s the forgiveness that I needed to ask and to bestow upon myself for that argument with my late father which happened 17 years ago.

    As to the telepathic exchange with my “brother”, I stopped it sometime in May after realizing that perhaps it’s in the best interest of him and I, that we strictly maintain a professional connection. He seems to mirror my thoughts and desires in many ways, and would verbally express the things I thought about, even adapting my common expressions that I never spoke in front of him. And of course, the angry outbursts from him actually started shortly after I stopped the telepathic exchanges, under the guises of work-related matters. Months back before the pandemic, when we did go out for dinner in a work group, bystanders who also know his wife would think that I was his “girlfriend”/”mistress” and smilingly give us that look and subtle comment which were then diverted by members of the dinner group because, we are only relating professionally and nothing more. That despite the fact that I wasn’t sitting close to him (I purposely put a chair between us to place my handbag). I’m not sure if my “brother” does have a mistress on the side, but he indirectly said a few times about being able to love more than one woman. Thing is, I value myself too much to be someone’s mistress and want to set a healthy example to my daughter, even though I have a tendency to fall for unavailable men and they tend to be attracted to me, of which I do not take any action. (I was previously married to and divorced a Peter Pan 1 year older than me, it lasted for 6 years. He was the 1st person I properly dated, halfway round the world. Oddly, his birthday is the same as my estranged mother’s.)

    I was also prone to suicidal thoughts which I have gotten over, in fact, my daughter is the reason I am still alive. I also feel that I’m now “living my purpose”, work-wise since the serendipitous visit to this new workplace, right on the Muslim “Festival of Sacrifice” of 2018. Even the address of this place is like some kind of coding that have followed me (triple numbers). My “brother” and I seem to be connected to “a single purpose” because certain key events in our lives tally to result in today’s condition. Just that recently, there are many timeline switches, and the relationship with my “brother/boss” seems strained/weird, maybe related to clearing?

    I feel myself to be androgynous and do not fit the female gender roles but I’m not a tomboy. My appearance is feminine and I know how to dress in an elegant manner. I’m just frustrated that because of my gender I’m in (I have a masculine sounding name by the way, as my parents wanted a son, and I was the first-born), there are much less freedom and opportunities which I could take on in life. I feel caged in when I should be flying/swimming freely.

    And also, my libido is virtually non-existent (probably due to extremes in nun/monks or prostitute/vestal virgin past lives) and only seem to activate when someone I intellectually admire, telepathically expresses their sexual interest in me. The number of times this happened, I can count on one hand. I have a need for physical affection as in silent cuddles, ie. when me and my man are both reading our own books, to melt into the kind of comfortable feeling that a soulmate who is single and available is there for me and vice versa, but sadly I still haven’t found that person. I had that feeling with one man long time ago when I was in my early twenties but he is gay (with a live-in partner) with an artist’s soul. He is 10 years older than me, considers me as his “sister” he never had but yet on hindsight his care and attention towards me was like towards a girlfriend/muse. He was one of the reasons I came back to my country after being away for 9 years, but we are estranged after an awkward argument 3 years ago. Oddly, he “predicted” about the place I would eventually work in right now.

    I feel lonely and isolated, would love to have 2 or 3 close friends whom I can be myself with, but yet do not have the energy or drive to seek them out/maintain the friendship. Rather passive in this respect and only respond when people seek me out.

    I will keep working on Exercises 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 9.

    • Clive
      August 13, 2020 @ 6:42 pm

      Yea, as ourselves as subtle beings are androgynous i.e. ‘asexual/none sexual’ then these human functions can appear to be switched off or DEAD when you’re in a phase when the form you are a duplicate of was spending time as a subtle being i.e. when it was not physically incarnated/interfaced to any animal form. I’ve had some very strange switched off phases in some relationships that all correlated with ‘subtle form’ times!!!!

      EVERYONE I’m having unbelievable amounts of spam so I’ve activated an anti spam plugin, so, if any regulars post a comment or a few comments and it they all seems to disappear, send me an e-mail via the contact form and I’ll double check.

37. Megan
    December 20, 2020 @ 4:27 am

    Exercise 9

    Reading through the exercise I get that my assembly line tech has been heavily managing/traumatizing me. An example would be I love to daydream and create stories that I want to write and share with others. Problem is there have been multiple issues to doing this. One, it’s like I don’t really know how to write a story even when I do. I can sit down and write out the adventure in my head, a rough outline atleast, but from the rough outline something forces me to satisfy something or someone, like I should be writing and publishing the finished product, not a bunch of rough drafts and wasting time not getting something done, which has made writing and imagining and creating a miserable, living Hell and I get no joy out of it. My mother was this way actually. She’s an old nurse, and if something isn’t done in a timely manner to her satisfaction there is Hell to pay, so to speak. This assembly line tech also forces me to think, act, behave or do things down certain lines that does not leave me room to explore or think/see things differently or from another point of view. An example would be the audit process at work. I can’t watch the work and understand what they are doing unless I’m doing the work myself or have a basic outline of what’s expected (and some of these people have more experience than me so I feel bad watching people who have it figured it out for themselves.)